Notice Me!

Act I, Scene II

Scene II

(Lights up in the hallway at a high school. Susan and Helga are standing by their lockers, their heads literally in the lockers. They remain this way, frozen, for several seconds as a few more lights illuminate the rest of the stage, and Gregory walks down the hall with Melanie. As soon as they exit, Susan brings her head out of the locker and slams it shut.)

Susan: Look at him. Isn't he the most perfect being the world could produce?

Helga: (Brings her head out and slams her locker door shut as well, glaring in the same direction as Susan.) I've seen cuter. (Susan gives her a long glare, then goes back to looking in the direction of Gregory.) What is up with this? (crosses in front of Susan, who snaps out of her daze.) You always found this guy perfectly irresistible, ever since the fourth grade when he came here. If he were captain of the football team or valac victorian I could understand a slight obsession, but Greg is so.. plain. What is it about him that makes you go crazy over him?

Susan: It's everything! He's gorgeous,-

Helga: (Aside.) Like I said, I've seen cuter.

Susan: He's talented,-

Helga: At things most people can do. (Mocking.) "Oh, I can read a level above my grade! I'm just so full of talent!"

Susan: And he's incredibly smart-

Helga: Average.

Susan: And always finds a way to make me laugh!

Helga: (Frustrated, throws her hands in the air and shouts) Everything makes us laugh! It's our thing! (A Student walks past the girls and attempts to throw a piece of paper across the stage into a trashcan, showing off as if he is an all-star basketball player. He/she misses and another student on the opposite side throws the paper at his/her face. Both girls laugh as the students exit.) See?

Susan: Why must you crush everything about the most perfect man ever? You're nowhere near perfect!

Helga: Well of course not, no one's perfect!

Susan: But Greg is closer than you! Your flaws are so big!

Helga: Like what?

Susan: (She thinks for a moment.) Like when you sleep you have to have your stuffed alpaca!

Helga: (Defensively) Milton spits at the bad dreams!

Susan: And how you keep a bunch of wooden rulers because when you get nervous you chew on them.

Helga: I don't keep that many! Only... five... or six...

Susan: And how you can't pronounce couture no matter how hard you try!

Helga: I for one think Kosher is a much better way to... Okay fine! I'm not perfect. But at least I admit it. (Beat.) Also, while we are on the subject of obsessive love interests, are we gonna watch the premiere of Kawaii Kawaii Bloodbath at your house or mine tonight? It's supposed to be as big of an anime as Black Butler!

Susan: (The girls Walk towards a classroom near the lockers. Susan holds the door open for Helga.) We can watch it at my house. I have all the manga and I would love to see how the anime syncs up with the manga. (Exits through the door. Blackout.)