Notice Me!

Act I, Scene III

Scene III

(In the library. Susan is quietly stalking Gregory, who is sitting at a table alone, reading. Helga is reading a manga beside Susan. A few other students sit around the library, reading, doing homework, etc )

Helga: (slams the book onto the table) You are such a creep! (Other students, including Susan and Gregory shush Helga in unison.)

Susan: Shut up, otaku! You have no room to talk. You seem to know the dirt on just about every student. How's that for creepy? (As she says this, Melanie enters and eagerly sits beside Gregory.) Speaking of which, who is that girl?

Helga: You don't know her? Her name is Melanie Downey. She is a new girl and has a fondness for your dear Senpai. She does everything for him, like a second mother. It's really disgusting. Fixes his hair, ties his shoes, and she even bakes him snacks.

Susan: But Gregory can take care of himself! Why is she even such a big part of his life in such a short time?

Helga: Who knows? Maybe he really likes her and wants to be with her but is trying to work through his feelings

Susan: Don't even joke like that, Helga. More realistically he found someone easy to manipulate and decided to befriend them out of both greed and pity since she has no friends and has things that would benefit him in the long run.

Helga: Would you really be into someone that could manipulate like that, though?

Susan: I would worship someone with that kind of power! He would be my perfect equal. My manipulation powers were high enough to make you think I like you and not your impressive collection of manga and anime merchandise, not to mention your season passes to every theme park imaginable.

Helga: (Looking up from her manga.) Wait... what?

Susan: What? (Beat.She looks back in the direction of Gregory and Melanie.)

Melanie: Aw, Gregory Smith, your jacket is covered in dead grass again! (she pulls a lint brush out of a big tote bag and uses it on his jacket.)

Gregory: Oh, I didn't know that. Thanks, Mel (Susan mocks "Thanks, Mel")

Melanie: Anything for you. What would you do without me?

Susan: (Devilishly to Helga.) we could find out..

Helga: (Not looking up from her manga.) Whatever you're planning I refuse to be a part of it. I'm putting that out right now.

Susan: (To Gregory's direction.) Curse your ability to befriend any person to come your way, Gregory! A charming siren hovers right in front of your view, standing in front of the maiden you were destined to fall for. Why would this waterfall of emotion flow from me as soon as our eyes meet if it wasn't meant to be?

Helga: (To audience) Excuse me, but how is she not getting shushed right now..?

Susan: She's blinded you with a song of innocence, convincing you that life should be easy going, but life is about taking risks and pushing until your dreams come true! You do not need a second mother; you need a partner who will fight by your side instead of preventing you from fighting at all! (She takes a big dramatic gasp and looks over at Helga, who is still ignoring the entire performance.)

Helga: Not writing.

Susan: Oh come on! That one was good! Oh, it doesn't matter! (Turns over to Gregory.) My love, I swear to rip you from this obstacle to eternal happiness by any means necessary. Whether I have to expel, frame, or... kill.

Helga: (Drops the manga to the ground.) You're not serious, Susan!

Susan: Why didn't I think of this before? (Jumps out of her seat and walks downstage.) If I killed the women that surround my precious Gregory, I'd eventually be the only one he is around! They could not see him after school or call or text him. It's really the best option! Soon I will be the only one he will think of being with! Soon I shall rest in the arms of my senpai!

Helga: Yeah, eventually you could. But that thinking is starting to scare me. You're sounding like a yandere, Susan. A freaking Yandere! And they always become crazy psychopaths and it almost never works out because they end up harming their senpai.

Susan: Helga, those are cartoon characters, and they're sloppy with their work. I for one have been studying forensics for two years and could easily hide a body. (Beat. She goes back to her seat.) Helga, you are my best friend, and I have to ask you this in all seriousness: if I were to kill Melanie Downey, would you help me get rid of the body?

Helga: If you are so smart in this subject and could hide a body on your own why would you need me to do it?

Susan: Do you really think I would take any risk getting caught? (She brings her face up to Helga's, as if interrogating her.) You really think I'd be able to handle jail?

Helga: True. (Beat. She thinks a while, then playfully replies,) You are my best friend in the whole world, and if you actually killed someone, I would more than happily be there to clean up the body.

Susan: (looks over at Helga and hugs her) I knew there was a reason you and I were best friends! (Beat. A sudden thought enters Susan's head as she breaks the hug.) But if I were to kill someone, I'd like to start small. Like a knife or gun. No one in my house owns a gun though, so I'd have to use a knife. Then again, the mess would be really hard to cover up. It's not easy to make a stab in the chest look like an accident. Especially a happy-go-lucky teen like Melanie. No one would assume she was suicidal or clumsy or anything like that. (Melanie pulls out plastic tupperware and gives it to Gregory.)

Melanie: Here are some leftover brownie bites from my cooking web show, Gregory. Just don't eat all of them in one day, or you'll get a tummy ache, and that would just devastate me!

Gregory: Wow, Mel! They look amazing! Thank you so much! (Melanie skips off, leaving Gregory alone.) What a sweet girl! I can't wait to see what she cooks next! (Closes his book and exits.)

Susan: Helga, how do you feel about watching a web show after Kawaii Kawaii Bloodbath?

Helga: If it'll make you happy. But why?

Susan: The best way to know your enemy is to study them, and that is exactly what I plan to do. Come over and bring a notebook. Also try to figure out where we can watch Melanie's web show. Find out the name and search it.

Helga: You know, you could always win Gregory's attention by showing off your qualities. Maybe even try talking to him?

Susan: Yeah, like someone like Gregory Lane Smith would want to get to know someone like me.

Helga: When did you find out his middle name?

Susan: It's a long story. With a lot of events that, if some random student overheard, could probably land me in jail or an insane asylum. I'll tell you later. (They exit the library. Blackout.)