Notice Me!

Act I, Scene IV

Scene IV

(Susan and Helga are looking through manga in Susan's room, quietly talking to each other. Only half the stage consists of her bedroom. The other half is separated, perhaps by a pylon, and darkened.)

Susan: Yeah, you're right! It would've been amazing to see Yuki dance with Midori! That was the coolest fantasy in the first manga!

Helga: I can't believe they left something that amazing out! (Checks her watch.) Oh, It's almost nine! Melanie's show is about to come on! (They go to the bed and pull out a laptop)

Susan: What was this show called again?

Helga: "Melanie's Magical Feasts" . This episode is titled "Enchanting Eclairs: Win any man over with this unreal explosion of flavor and sugar". (Both girls gag.)

Susan: How cheesy! You'd think a six year old was making these. Not the kind of girl Gregory should want in his life. What is wrong with this woman?

Helga: Well, while you've been watching anime and gory movies your entire life, an overprotective single mother halfway across the country would only let her fourteen year old girl watch My Little Pony.

Susan: (Aside.) I can't believe I'm starting to feel sorry for this girl. And I can't believe what kind of information you find on people so quickly. Oh, it's starting! (Cheesy little girl like music begins to play and the lights come up on the other side of the stage, revealing a table with mixing bowls, spoons, measuring cups, etc. Melanie enters in a very animated manner, wearing a chef's hat and an apron over a girly dress. She almost looks like an over sized doll.)

Melanie: Hello, everyone! Melanie Downey here! And if you are new here, my happiest greetings and salutations! Today, we are going to make these truly magnificent eclairs that are sure to win over even the most stubborn of men. And when they've tried these perfect pastries, they'll say "Holy heckle! Where have you, and these, been all my life?!"

Susan: unbelievable..

Helga: This is supposed to be a seventeen year old girl? She's acting like she's six!

Susan: How can any guy find that attractive?!

Melanie: I only use fresh eggs for this dough and organic ingredients. If pesticides are poisonous for bugs, they're poisonous for you!

Helga: ...I want to know who fact-checked this...

Susan: poisonous.... I've got it! Pause the video! (Helga pauses the video, and Melanie freezes as lights slowly fade on her.) I'll just make a poison and slip it into the next pastry she makes! She'll die in front of all her viewers and they'll be traumatized! Helga, find a poison we can slip into her icing before her web show next week! Gregory will soon be mine and mine alone!

Helga: Whatever. (Picks up her notebook and begins to walk out.) You know I'll support you no matter what, but I feel like all this will only end badly. (Exits.)

Susan: Oh, what does she know? She's never felt a love that strong before.. As far as I know, she's never been in love with anyone. (Susan sits on her bed, writing. Blackout.)