If Only She'd Loved Him

Chapter 18

Thursday 9:00 pm

Pillow pulled over head, Megan barely heard the quiet knock as Erik entered her room. She tried to ignore him, but he sat down next to her, prying it out of her fingertips.

"Please go away.  Please just go away!" She pleaded. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face puffy, but her words were clear.

He lowered his head as he talked to her. "Megan, I came to apologize. I'm sorry for my temper, but you don't make it easy. I love you so much, sweetheart, and I feel like you'd do anything to get away from me. That makes me angry. You're tearing me up inside. All I want is for us to be together. I went to a lot of work to make that dream come true. Can't you understand that? Can't you at least try?" he begged her.

"No," she clutched the pillow back to her stomach, holding it like a shield. "I'm not going to try. Your dream, my nightmare. Wordplay. You kidnapped me. You've hurt me. For God's sake, you threatened to kill me.  You don't love me. You can't love me." His reaction was unexpected. Tears formed in his eyes as he reached for her. She ducked away.

"Please, you have to believe I love you," he pleaded. "There's no point to any of this if you don't believe that. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. You're part of me. The first time I saw you it was like being kicked in the teeth. The world just stopped. You're all I saw from that day on. A person can't feel this way alone. I know you feel it too. You have to. You're already inside me, but it's not enough. I want you next to me. I want to kiss you till your mouth bleeds at the corners because you can't let go. I want to take you to heaven. I want you to lead me from hell. Love me, Megan, you have to love me, like I love you."

She looked at him in shock. Her body began to shake as she listened to what he said. By the time he was finished, she wanted to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers, hide away from this person, this monster on her bed. This monster who made her cry. This boy who cried because of her. She reached for his hand, and held it gently between her palms.

"Erik, what we had was in the past. I cared for you, but it wasn't love. It was hot; it was summer; it was fun, but it's over. Can't you understand that?"

He placed his other hand on tops of hers, pressing down, flattening her palms against the bed. "No, I can't. What we had was love. We can have it again, if you'll only try."

She pulled her hands out from under his, shaking her head. A strand of pale hair fell in her eyes. He brushed it away with his fingertips. "I can't love you if I'm a prisoner," she replied. "I need to get back to campus. I need to finish my classes, and then maybe over winter break, over time, we can get together and try again."

She stroked his cheek as she talked, but with each word she said a change came over his face. Snatching her hand, he squeezed her fingers together.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think you can jerk me around like you used to? Maybe over winter break we can get together." His voice mimicked, mocking hers. "Sure, after I spend ten years in jail for kidnapping you. You'd turn me in in a second, don't deny it. I know you. I know the way you think. You thought if I felt sorry for you, then maybe I'd let you go. Well, it worked once, but never again. I've got some news for you, babe. I may know how you think, but you know nothing of me."

"Erik, please! Please let go of my arm. You're hurting it."

His tongue clicked against his teeth as he still held the pressure firm. "Sweetheart, you forget I was pre-med. If I break your arm, I can set it, and maybe with a broken arm, you won't be so eager to leave me."

"Oh God! No! I gave you my word. I'll stay."

Gently he eased her wrist back down. Color slipping out of her face, Megan slid off the bed. Stumble running to the bathroom, she was sick. He waited till she came out. Her skin was ice to his touch as he helped her.

"Too much wine, love. You really have to know when to stop." He tried to joke, but his eyes were concerned. She didn't have the strength to answer. She closed her eyes. Erik picked up the quilt and tucked it around her neck. "You need food, sweetheart, that's all."

Megan said nothing, but she cuddled her arm closer to her. Erik patted her on the wrist, sliding his fingers along the back of her hand in a caress. Then he got up and left the room. He returned a few minutes later, carrying a pitcher of water and some crackers.

"You have to eat something. You'll feel better when you do."

Weakly she shook her head, but he held a cracker to her mouth, and she nibbled at it.

"That's good. Now try some water."

He handed her a glass. Surprisingly, it tasted good, cold and refreshing. One sip soon followed another, then she tried a second cracker. The more she ate, the more she realized she was starved. She reached for the rest of the crackers, and finished the glass of water. Erik smiled, pouring her a second glass. As she gulped it down, a little color began to return to her face. Just as her stomach began to clear, her arm started to throb.

"My arm, you really hurt it. Could I have some aspirin?" she asked, between mouthfuls of cracker.

He lowered his head. "I'm sorry. I just don't like to be played for a fool. Of course you can have some aspirin." Again he left the room, leaving the door wide open. Megan ignored it. Now was not the time, but when she was stronger, she would escape and then, then she'd make him pay. Erik returned in a few minutes. As he entered her room, he seemed to think of something. For a moment, he stared at the open door, but Megan hadn't moved from where she lay. He relaxed. She sat completely up as he handed her the aspirin.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you."

She was too tired to comment. "Thank you," she repeated. Yawning, she closed her eyes.

Erik reached down and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Good night, sweetheart. I do love you."

"Unhhmm," was her only reply.

He picked up the crackers and placed them back on the chair in case she got hungry later on. Tucking the covers tighter around her chin, he stood over her watching her breathe in and out. Then he quietly left the room, turning out the light as he left and locking the door.