The One Where All The Knights Love Fem!Merlin

Interlude - Mourning and Distraction

It was a beautiful morning. The birds were chirping and the plants were radiating with life. Nothing about that morning matched Merlin's mood. Merlin knelt down at the roof of a tree, gathering mushrooms for Gaius and placing them in a basket. He hadn't asked her to, but she was doing it anyways. 

Merlin was waiting. She was waiting to hear the screeching of a griffin so that she could drop her basket and run away, trip over a root, and while she would be just about to be eaten, she would hear a battle cry and he would be there to save her. But the griffin didn't come and neither did he. 

Once her basket was full, Merlin walked slowly over to the fallen tree that they had hid behind and sat against it. A hot tear ran down her left cheek. "It was supposed to be me," Merlin whispered for what seemed to be the thousandth time. 

That's where Percival had found her, hours later. Lancelot had told him about the first time he had met Merlin, so he figured he would find her there. Merlin had taken Lancelot's death the hardest out of all of them. It made Percival wonder what had happened while Lancelot and Merlin were separated from the group.

Percival sat down next to Merlin. "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping he would come," she admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Merlin shook her head. 

"Everyone's worried sick about you. Arthur's about ready to send out a search party."

"I didn't know he cared."

"He cares about you, Merlin. We all do." Not even Percival knew to what extent the truthiness of his words were.

"I miss Lancelot. I want him to come back."

"As do I."

Merlin looked at Percival for the first time since he sat next to her. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot that you two were good friends."

Percival shook his head. "It's alright. Come, we should head back before Arthur throws a fit." Percival stood up and offered a hand to Merlin. She took it and he helped her up. 

Their walk back to Camelot was silent, but not in an awkward way.

"Ah, Merlin!" Gwaine met them at the bottom of the castle stairs. "Thank you, Percival. I can take it from here."

Percival narrowed his eyes but left after giving Merlin a gently squeeze on the shoulder.

"We haven't spoken in a while, Princess. I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm sorry, Gwaine. I've been a little... out of it."

"Don't apologize, Cassandra." Gwaine offered his elbow to Merlin. 

With a giggle, despite how sad she was feeling, Merlin took it and they began walking up the stairs. 

"I blame myself for what happened," Gwaine told her quietly. "If I hadn't been so reckless... maybe he'd still be here."

"Gwaine, none of this is your fault."

"You don't know that, Princess. Perhaps... It could have been me instead of Lancelot. I could have gone through the veil and you wouldn't be in such pain."

"Oh, Gwaine..." Merlin stopped walking and faced him. She let go of his elbow and he held both of her hands in his. "If it were you... I'd be in the same pain. You know I love you."

"But not like you love Lancelot. It's okay, Princess. You don't need to hide it from me. Just... Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Gwaine."