Hessa.

Chapter 1

I was around 13 when I started this book and just reading some of this chapter im like 😬yikes but I promise it does get better. Give it a chance.

(Edited 2/12/21) Just a TRIGGER WARNING! I didnt put one in before but considering the content that I wrote I want to just warn you all. There are very heavy subjects within this book that may be triggering for victims  of SA. Please please be careful if you feel it may be too much for you. As a victim myself i just want to say to everyone else out there that you are so loved ❤ please don't ever forget that

Its been 3 years since she left me.I moved to California when she did.i couldn't stay here knowing she hates me so much.I cut ties with everyone including my dad,Karen,Landon and every other person who knew me.I bought a new phone and went off the grid.Im not sure why i cut eveyone else off,maybe because I knew they would bring up Tessa at some point and eventhough a single day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought about her i haven't heard anyone say her name since I left but im moving back.I don't know what made me make this decision because I promised myself that I would never return back.Just me thinking about how she looked at me and told me she hated me breaks my heart.Those 3 words sent me into a spiraling mess.I always thought that mine and Tessa's love for eachother could conquer anything and eventhough we fight all the time usually because im being an ass i never expected her to say that she hates me.I don't blame her though.The worst decision I ever made was that night at the bridge.Eventhough I didnt jump i threatened Tessa that I would.She burst out crying as soon as i climbed up onto that ledge and i just needed to think.I was never actually gonna do it but this is something I usually do to clear my head.I probably shouldn't because I could fall but I didnt really give a shit at that point.She begged me to get down and she fell to her knees in relief when i did.We drove home in absolute silence and i could tell she was absolutely livid.We got in and she went straight into the bedroom got out her suitcase and started packing.I was in such a dark place back then and I managed to take the only thing that I was living for and loose that too.I didnt even realise she was packing i was too stuck in my thoughts.She grabbed her bags left her keys on the table and she just stood there.I was just staring at the brick wall and she waved her hand in front of my face.

"What? Wait where are you going?" I was so out of it back then.

"Im leaving Hardin.I can't allow you to keep me trapped in this relationship because you keep threatening to end your life! You don't do that to someone you love!" She sobbed.My heart was sinking faster and faster by the second.

"I hate you for doing this to me! I hate you for changing into a completely different person than I fell in love with! I hate you!" She was hysterical and it killed me that i made her feel this way.I didnt do anything about it though I just sat there staring at the brick wall while tears streamed down my cheeks.I couldn't look at her and to be honest I'm glad i didn't or i honestly don't think I would be here today.It would have destroyed me seeing the one thing that I loved with all of my being crumble in front of me. She slammed the door and that was it.I packed my shit up left the keys and my phone there and I ended up driving for days on end all the way to California.Thats when I decided that I wanted to live.I wanted to live an extraordinary life full of excitement,love and happiness.I went to therapy almost everyday,I quit drinking and i surrounded myself with people I aspired to be like.I haven't kissed or been sexually involved with anyone since Tessa though.I cant even picture being with anyone but tessa.It frustrates me everyday that I chose to get my shit together after she left me but im actually thankfully that Tessa left me.As fucked up and weird as that sounds i wouldn't be where I am today.