Not Even Death

New Battles

Rex sits at the bar with two glasses ready. I already know they'll be empty, and he's going to order two more the moment I sit down. This is the careful circle, the strategic dance, the little game we've played since that night on Alderaan.

I was checking in with the senator on the movement of rebel ships when I met his daughter. But she isn't. Leia isn't an Organa by blood.

She's a Skywalker.

And I lost it.

Just like I lost Anakin and Padme. They were my friends. My family. My brother and my sister... And they didn't get to watch Leia grow up. Anakin would have taught her to use the force or how to fly a speeder, and Padme would have taught her everything there is to know about politics and being a strong woman... But Leia will never have any of that.

And then Rex put me back together.

When I was a padawan, I looked at Rex and the other troopers the same way that I looked at Anakin and Obi-Wan, like family. Romance and emotional attachments weren't an option. I wasn't even mature enough to think about it anyway.

Now, here we sit.

"Bring out some fresh drinks for the lady," Rex says to the bartender.

We wait in silence for the bartender to pour the expensive stuff, extra spicy.

"You got the kid back in one piece," Rex comments before taking a drink.

I sip from my glass, silently lost in thought. "Yes."

This is part of the dance. We talk about the weather, or missions, whatever we can think of. We pretend like we're just two old relics from a fool's war catching up and talking about the good old days.

"You know the rebels blew up some giant planet-killing thing?"

"It's called the Death Star," I say with a laugh.

Rex watches me out of the corner of his eye. "Same difference."

Rex always says that experience outweighs rank, and I've recently wondered what that means for age. Technically, I'm older than Rex even though he was a full-grown adult in half the time, but we're both even on the romantic spectrum.

Troopers were allowed to date and flirt, and they did. For higher ranking troopers, though, they didn't really have the time. Rex is just as new and confused as I am.

"How's the training going?" I ask.

"It was going pretty well, but after the Death Star, the Empire's backed off. We're backing off too."

I shake my head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Things feel... unbalanced in the force. Almost as if something is waiting in the shadows, planning a perfect strike.

Rex seems to understand the underlying meaning of my words. He's one of the few who know what a force user means when they leave things unsaid, but I suppose the Jedi were some of his closest companions for most of his early life.

"You don't think this is over yet?" I can't tell if he's asking a question or making a statement.

I sip on my drink. "I don't know what to think, Rex."

This is when the tempo in our dance changes as he wraps his worn fingers around mine. There's not any fireworks or fluttery feelings like I read about in novels. This is just comfort and understanding.

It might not be the love everyone else is looking for, but it's the only one I've found.

And I'm not even sure if love is what you'd call it.

"How about my place then? I'll help you sort this stuff out," Rex's voice is so gentle and his eyes are so sincere. The palm of my hand tickles as he brushes a thumb against it.

I try to change the subject from my struggles. "When did you get a place?"

"It's a temporary gift for helping the people," he sighs. "It's not much, but.."

I give his hand a squeeze in return. "I'm sure it's perfect."

*

Rex's apartment isn't as modest as he thinks, or maybe I shouldn't be comparing it to my quarters at the temple. There aren't walls separating the bedroom from the dining area or the kitchen. It's all one continuous room. I like how it's all connected and open.

I watch the lights from the city streets below cast long shadows onto the ceiling through the window. Something at the corner of the force pricks at my mind. It's like trying to fall asleep with a thorn in your finger, but I just snuggle closer to Rex. It's easier to pretend nothing is wrong when I listen to the sound of his heartbeat through his chest or breathe in his cologne.

"There's something you're not telling me," Rex whispers against the top of my head.

"Rex, you're supposed to be asleep," I groan half-heartedly as I shift to face him.

His hands take my face captive. "So are you."

Rex hasn't been a trooper in years, but his counters are still strategic and concise.

I search his face for signs of retreat. There's so much kindness in his eyes. Sometimes I see ghosts of battle flickering there, but there's always kindness. I want a reason to push down this thorn into the depths of my thoughts, but I only find more reason to confide in him.

I steal a hand from my face and entwine our fingers. They don't seem like they would fit — his are so much larger than mine, but yet they do.

Just like us.

"Leia will need me," I whisper into the night.

Rex makes a sound of comprehension but says nothing as he shifts our position until we're as close as two people can be. His forehead rests against mine, and his eyes are closed as he finally speaks, "You should go then."

But I always have to go. Or he always has to leave.

"I'm staying here for now," is all I can manage.

Rex brings his lips to rest against mine. I can feel them brush against mine as he speaks. "Good," his voice is hoarse with emotions I can only guess before he takes my bottom lip between his.

This kiss isn't as hungry as the long hours we'd shared not long ago. We take our time like we're both memorizing this moment. I want to believe that if we move slow enough time will be merciful and slow down with us. Maybe we could spend eternity in this singular kiss.

When we finally break away, the room grows silent once more, and I almost think Rex fell asleep again.

But then he speaks softly against my ear, "You and I won't always fight on the same front, but when the smoke clears, we'll be together, yeah? I don't have to hold you like this to love you like this. You can go where you need and fight your own fights."

I can feel the tight knot of a sob that I refuse to grant escape.

"But," his voice begins to shake, "I'll still be here when you get back."

"Rex..."

"Well, maybe not here on Lothal, but you know," he says with a mischievous grin.

I giggle as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss that wouldn't stop until the rays of sunlight pierced through.

Sorry if you're not a Rexsoka fan. This is the only chapter devoted to them.