Ruin Maketh Me

84 - Family and Q&A

     Sleep caresses my body in honey coloured tidal waves. Between blooming images dredged from the depths of my consciousness, yellow and orange light shifts beyond my lids in a red cascade. I stretch out my arms and wriggle deeper into the musky warmth. How long has it been since I've felt so good? A smile spreads automatically over my lips, and I open my eyes to the sun bathed room.
     All this, the contentment, the relaxation, the dancing warmth of light, the tingle in my heart, they're all real. My heart squeezes, and I can't help but hum a little in the bright silence. What had I been so scared of before? Falling in love with Eirwen? But now funnily enough, when I really, really do love him, I'm not scared anymore. No, I sit up slowly and throw the sheets away, I'm happy, happier than perhaps, I've ever been before.
     Ignoring the shoes by the bed, I pad barefoot across the warm floor, through the door and into a small but quaint landing. My feet sink into the cream coloured carpet, and enjoying the fluffiness stroking my toes, I make my way towards the staircase. All pain seems to melt away from my mind and limbs, and in their place, only a slight twinging ache remains yet to be completely dissolved.
"Father," Asier's voice rings faintly from below, more frigid and emotionless than I've heard him, "is mama going to leave us?"
My feet halt, and I lean against the banister, tilting my head towards the sound.
"It's his choice to leave or not." Eirwen's equally cold voice streams out.
"No. I only just got mama back! How can you let him leave?"
"You'll understand once you're older."
"...I don't think I will."
"It's not your choice." Eirwen says unforgivingly.
Silence bleeds into the sunset warmth. I shift against the hard wood poking into my back and stare down at the shadows painting my feet. He'd let me leave? Hah, I press a palm to my forehead, Jacques, this is where you went wrong all this time. This insanity, this letting go, holding on, this reasonless torture, had you suffered it all? And yet, through this all, you couldn't give or let me have what I wanted most, freedom.
Bitterness creeps into my smile, but I descend the stairs into the tidy entrance I saw before.
"Mama!" Asier's little body rushes out from the kitchen towards me, all iciness melted away from his flitting tone, "Are you feeling better now?"
My hand drops slowly and softly onto his silky head. He stills and wraps his arms around my waist hesitantly, like I'm something with wings.
"I'm all better now, Asier." I pat his back lightly.
He says nothing, only buries his head into my abdomen, and then, quietly as if fearing to be heard, "I was so scared, mama, I was so scared." His arms tighten, "I thought you were going to leave again, please, don't leave again."
My arms stiffen, and I glance up at Eirwen, standing in the doorway wordlessly.
"I won't leave you, Asier, not like that."
"...I don't want to see you in a coffin again."
A chill runs through the soles of my feet, "You won't."
Hot breath puffs through my shirt and splashes onto my skin; his strong little arms loosen and let go. Looking between Eirwen and me, he steps away towards the dining room, "I'll go set the table."
Eirwen crosses his arms, head tilted against the door frame, eyes fixed on me, "You're too soft on him."
My gaze falls into his, down and down... A jolt jumps through my skin, and I brush past him with weak knees, "He's a child. I should treat him kindly."
"He knows you're a man with wings," he says, turning.
"A man with wings?" I laugh softly, taking up the kitchen knife lying on the chopping board.
"I can see the restlessness in your eyes."
Chop. My knife slices through the haphazard pile of mushrooms, but even so, I can't help but glance at Eirwen, "So, you're going to let me leave?"
He blinks and unfolds his arms, "Yes."
A twinge of something different pierces through my hammering heart, and I thunk the heat through the soft flesh of the vegetables until they're nothing but diced fragments.
"It almost sounds as if you're asking me to leave now."
"No, I'm not." His voice courses strongly into my ears.
I grit my teeth, "I know. I know you're not."
Clack. Eirwen steps forwards and stops besides me, his cool scent suffusing all around me until there's nothing else but him. Fuck. An itch crawls drily from inside to my throat.
"How do I tell him that I'm an Otherworlder?"
Eirwen's hands fold other mine and guide the knife down gently, "He knows."
My mouth widens, but there's nothing I can say.
"We're taught from the very beginning that nothing can bring the dead back to life."
"So," My eyes dance between the broken pieces of mushroom, "he knew from the start?"
"Yes." Eirwen says by my ear.
Taking the chopping board from my hands, he throws the mushrooms into a pot on the stove, and all I seem to know how to do is stand and let the shock wash over me.
"After the magic warp is sorted, you're not going to come home with us?"
Although his tone rises at the end, it's so subtle that, rather than a question, it sounds like a statement set in stone. I run my tongue over the roof of my mouth and watch his slender hands stirring the vegetables roughly, "No, I'm not."
"I'd come with you if I could, but I need to take care of the aftermath, I can't leave." Iridescent strands of magic sweep his golden strands behind his shoulders.
My teeth bite down on my tongue testingly, "I know."
Tendrils of half-transparent, half white steamy smoke float through our words with the tugging scent of mushrooms.
"I want to get to know you, Cynder."
My hand hovers over his faintly curling hair, "Me too."
He turns towards me from the stove, and the moons of his eyes fix upon me with a heat so hot, it's cold, "I want us to fall in love, not because of our past, but because of now, our present."
My heart jolts, and the breath within me stills, "You," I smile, a helpless laugh falling from my lips, "You know all the right things to say don't you? If you hadn't told me, I would've thought you've had many lovers before."
His hand extends towards me, and his finger brushes a stray strand of my hair back into place, "I'm an adult, I want to treat this seriously, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you." His touch lingers on my hair, "I've given what you've said some thought, and I want you to feel secure with me, I want you to be confident about us."
Heat explodes at the back of my ears and burns all the way to my cheeks. My eyes glide over his calm face, and my smile fades, "You're right. I don't think I treated this seriously enough." Escaping from his glinting orbs, I focus my eyes on something distant, heart expanding like a balloon, "Have patience with me, I don't have much experience with... all this. It's all, well, quite new to me."
A feather-light touch descends onto my cheek, "Don't worry."
I glance up, and his majestically beautiful visage inks into my vision, true and solid. Those lips, their luscious red, how would they taste? How would they feel against mine? This marble god, his eyes are looking only at me. Air breaks raspingly against my throat, and before I can work out what exactly I mean to do, my arms reach up, cup his jaw and pull him down.
Our lips clash together roughly, and against the satin softness of his petals, our tongues part each other's barriers and enter, tangling and breaking, tasting each crook and cranny. One of his hands curve around the back of my neck, and the other one caresses the curve of my back, each point tingling with joy under his finger's manipulation. The heat of his mouth melts the sharpness of my brain, and I'm dying, kissing him.
The fire burning me to cinders parts from my lips, and his hand brushes the mussed strands of my hair from my face, his creamy skin flushed an alluring pink, "Are you ok?" His clear voice tinted a sexy smokiness.
"Are you ok?" I ask, drawing in deep breaths, glazed sight clearing little by little.
He closes his eyes and lets go of me, "No... The mushrooms are going to char."
I burst into laughter and shoo him away from the stove, "Let's start with teaching you how to cook properly."

Placing the bowls of soup before Eirwen and Asier, I take my place. They look down at the creamy grey of the mushroom soup, and gripping their spoons almost hesitantly, they scoop a bite into their mouths. I smile and wait for their reaction. Eirwen's silver eyes widen whereas tracks of wetness fall down Asier's delicate cheeks.
My mouth dries, "What's wrong Asier, is it not good?"
"No," He murmurs, "It's delicious." And wiping his tears from his eyes hurriedly, he devours spoonfuls of soup with a desperate need.
"There's no need to hurry."
He nods, but even so, his spoon's speed back and forth doesn't decrease. My lips tilt upwards again, and I take up my own spoon, sending a mouthful down my throat. Warm bliss spreads through my stomach, and I drown in the thick, flavoursome taste. Thank god, I can cook!
"Thank you, mama, for making such a delicious meal." Asier says, looking down at his empty bowl.
And he smiles so sweetly, I almost miss the hissing whisper flowing into my brain,
'It's coming.'

-

Ruin Maketh Me Q&A

So here is the Q&A, have fun!

Setitikide: Does Salabens house or bedroom soundproof?, there is a child in the house... so... you know... just to be safe.
Answer: Salaben's room in his palace is soundproofed both physically and with magic, but since the magic warp, they've moved into an empty house temporarily so that they don't have to commute massive distances to solve the problem. They just chose a random house on the street so no, the house they're staying in isn't soundproofed. But as EngiePenaloza commented, when Eirwen and Cynder want to have some sexy time~, he'll create a barrier around their room!

Justaweirdopassingby: Who is your favourite character besides the main leads?
Answer: To be honest, I'm having quite a difficult trying to pick between Hoplin, Leonard and Set. Leonard was the first character to appear in the story besides Cynder, but both Hoplin and Set have interesting chrarcters. If I had to pick though, I'd pick Set for her fashion sense and for her hobby of dressing up Cynder. She seems like quite a stoic and cold demon, but in reality she really does like Cynder and having fun.

Justaweirdopassingby: And why did Lily call Cynder a fallen Luchus and Jacques Cynder's Uhyls? I understand that Uhyls is a god and Luchus ia like an angel but why make that comparison? (I love this story btw)
Answer: Thanks for liking the story!!! If you look at it from their position Earth, Jacques saved Cynder from roaming the streets and aided him with his cocaine addiction. In this way, Jacques can be seen as Cynder's god, because he looks after him and gives him money and 'loves' him. He appeared when Cynder needed someone the most (although Cynder doesn't want to aknowledge it). I don't want to spoil it too much, but from some of the content in the book you can see that Cynder betrayed Jacques, this is similar to how in bogomillism, 'Lucifer' betrayed God and was cast from heaven. In this sense, Cynder is a 'fallen angel'. Cynder's craving for freedom is also symbolised through wings, but that's just a slight detail most people won't notice.

Some content from myself: I wanted to portry different modes of relationships in the story. I saw Cynder and Jacques's relationship initially as a sort of 'give and take' love. It was based of the notion of gratitude and eventually developed in an almost master and servant relationship. Ralphus however, is more like Cynder's first love. It was tentative, unsure, but innocent and generous. Sol and Cynder's relationship is more orientated around the silent efforts and jealousies of a secret crush muddled with a bit of destiny. All these relationships are in a way, immature and undeveloped. Eirwen's interactions with Cynder however, are mature and more equal than any of the other relationships Cynder has had. And as for Julius, well, through his relationship with Cynder and Ralphus, he's going through a personal development and learning what love really means.

Thank you for all the questions! Feel free to continue asking, I'll answer anything.