I'm Just Dancing

The Backyard

My plan was to wait in the kitchen for Chad to come back in and explain to me what is happening. There is probably a perfectly logical explanation for all of this. The longer I spend standing here though the easier it is for me to convince myself that my thoughts are correct. After about 15 minutes with no reappearance, I decided I am not going to follow that plan.

"What is going on right-" He whips his head around as I stomp outside, he's got tears in his eyes. "Woah hey, are you alright?"

He just nods. I can tell he's lying, but what right to have to call him on it. He isn't even sitting in the chairs. I plop down next to him on the concrete. He keeps his head down and scoots so his knee is just barely brushing mine.

"Here's three options. I can leave you out here alone again until you're ready to go back in, we can go back in now and pretend nothing happened, or I can show you the spot towards the end of the lawn where you can't hear the music anymore. You just have to let me know what you wanna do." We sit there for awhile with neither of us saying anything. I don't know if it's the unanswered question or the general awkwardness of the boy sitting next to me but the feeling in the air is heavy and it settles aroud me the same way the air in a store dressing room does. That feeling that you are somehow in the wrong place even though it is the only option for what you are doing.

"Your lawn is big enough for us to not hear all that?" He gestures vaguely at the house.

"Yep." I pop back up and stick my hand out to help him up again, "it's kind of my secret though, so you can only come if you promise not to tell Sharpay." I can see the smallest of smiles hit his face.

"Deal," he grabs my hand and this time I let him pull himself up. I expect him to drop the hand once he is up but he doesn't. We walk for a couple minutes a little more slowly than is necessary before nearing the edge of the lawn.

"It's not much but it's quiet," I admit, gesturing towards the tray table and two camping chairs set under the tree that acts as our property line. I grab the small electric lantern I keep under one of the chairs and flick it on.

"Thank you," he sighs, giving my hand a squeeze before dropping it. I just nod back, trying to pretend I'm not a little disappointed. Chad sits down and I take the other chair.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I'm trying not to push him but I also don't want anyone having a shitty time tonight and he seems like he probably is.

"Yeah, I'm sorry dude. Running out like that wasn't cool, you didn't do anything," he focusses on picking at the skin around his nails as he speaks, I place my hand over his. It's just to save his cuticles and not at all becuase I felt anything when he was holding my hand for most of tonight. "I just don't think I really prepared myself for such a big party."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have pulled you out to dance. You've had a rough start to the night." I run my thumb absentmindedly across his hand.

"Are you kidding? The dancing was the most fun I may have ever had at a party, and I do not dance." he puts his other hand on top of mine. "No matter what else happens tonight at least I can say I got to spend some time with a hottie." A grin spreads across his face just a little too big and a little to goofy and I am reeling.

"I'm sorry?" I'm trying my best to sound collected but I am jello. "A hottie? Is it 1995?"

We are both laughing now and I gratefully can feel some of the awkward energy melt away.

We sit here like this for who knows how long, hands locked together, looking out into the night. It's nice, unlike the silence before. There is nothing demanding our immediate attention. The lantern allows me to see the shapes and shadows of his face, the soft slope of his nose, his strong jaw, his prominent cheek bones. He's a well built man and I'm sure I am far from the first or last person to notice it. He turns towards me, probably feeling me staring.