Love mechanics FF

Not Working

Mark's POV

If someone were to ask me right now as to what I wish for the most I would without a doubt say to 'redo my life from the day I first arrived or to redo the choices once made by my past self or maybe to redo my fate my fate that was written by my own hands' I don't really know at this moment I just want to redo my whole life from the point when I was still not alive.

It's suffocating; everything even the air that I breath becomes agonizing everytime I see the person I am suppose to hate but still can't do so. I have to gasp for air knowing the fact that no matter what, us meeting on random places can't be avoided.

I was frozen; the core of my very being went cold when I saw him sitting at the restaurant and I hated that, it's been months and still even his presence is enough to shake me when I wanted to go back to being normal.

'Why should we? why do I have to keep hiding? what did I do wrong?'
Was all I could think when James tapped on my shoulder indicating us to leave so I told them to just eat I hated how my friends keep getting dragged into this and how they had to change around me. I want it to stop, I want myself to be normal.

We left after quietly eating with me trying me best to not look bothered by the older man's presence which I probably failed. That night I once again did not sleep I can't sleep for my life after the unfortunate day I happen to confront the man so it was not new, I just laid on my bed tossing and turning regretting my choices again. So yes, if someone were to ask my wish right now it'd be to redo everything from my life to my fate.

"You stayed up all night again?" asked James looking worriedly at my face probably because I look like a mess right now.

"Yeah! I studied cause I was not sleepy."

"How long are you gonna keep doing this to yourself?"

"I didn't do anything, I was just not sleepy." James sighed in defeat just shaking his head obviously worried.

"I will just go to the toilet real quick" I said as I stood up and left for the restroom to inspect my looks as to know how worrisome I looked.

I stopped walking and stood once again at the restroom door frozen as I gasped for air that seemed to have exhaled all at once but could not be inhaled again.

"M-Mark!" exclaimed the man that stood in front of me.

'Just leave...
Just walk out...
Don't look at me...
Just keep moving.'

My brain started chanting like a curse. This was not right, I had made up my mind to not act bothered anymore when I came face to face with him but the thought that I actually loved him haunts me, it was my choice to have let him in. He did whatever he wanted because I let him.

"Mark!" he calls me again this time looking worried, Am I looking that pitiful for this man to worry and before I had realized I was down on the floor struggling to inhale air as I heard James calling this time.

'Yeah, this is not working' was my last thought before everything goes dark only to wake up in one of the university's hospital room. I sigh at my own pitiful self. 'Why can't I just get over it' I thought cursing myself before closing my eyes not know what else to do.