Clandestine

Twenty Five

MAYA

"Ugh, I can't wait to have wine again!" I sighed, flopping down onto Joon's bed. "I could really use a glass right now."

Now that the heat of tonight's dinner had died down, and everyone had headed off to bed, I could actually take in my surroundings. I was with my husband and his friends, in a room I would have killed to be in just a few years ago. Even Jimin's bad attitude couldn't change that.

I sat up on my elbows, taking in the space. Joon's bed was half-covered in plushies of Koya and Ryan, his shelves packed with books and albums and figurines, and his desk was messy with notebooks and papers. Even if we'd been married for over a year and a half, with a baby on the way, it felt so different from what I'd expected from my months of staying in his childhood bedroom; where his room had been filled with Drunken Tiger and Epik High memorabilia and posters of Girls Generation which he'd been at least a bit embarrassed by.

This was Namjoon at his core. The most updated version of himself, and a side of him I so rarely got to glimpse at.

Namjoon stood slumped against the divider of the room, a big wooden bookcase with square cubbies filled with even more of himself, his face tired as he looked back at me. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Well, you could start by laying down with your wife." I teased. A smile graced his features as he walked over, capturing me in his arms as he fell to the bed, knocking a few plushies off the mattress in the process. I laughed, hitting his arm as we settled in next to each other. "The real question is what am I gonna do with you?"

He nuzzled his face into the side of my neck, placing soft kisses there. His hand came down to trace shapes across my belly.

"You know it was kinda hot seeing you shut Jimin down like that."

"어 그래서?" (Oh, is that so?) I mumbled, turning to look at him. He nodded.

"Careful now, we already have one bun in this oven."

"I'm sure there's room for one more..." he whispered into my ear, causing my eyes to shoot open.

"Joonie!"

"Okay, okay," he chuckled, kissing me square on my lips. "For now," he added, earning a soft smack to the arm.

"For real though, what's going on with you? I can basically hear the gear turning from here."

One thing that the both of us had found out pretty earlier on in our relationship was that we were both good at acting like everything was fine when the room was on fire. And I could tell by the way he was avoiding looking me in the eyes that this was one of those times.

"Joonie-"

"As hot as it was seeing you shut him down, you know you've got me right?" he mumbled, hiding his face in my shoulder.

"Baby, of course I know that."

"Then why didn't you let me say anything? Every time he opened his mouth, I wanted to punch him that much more." I giggled.

"And that's exactly why I wanted to handle this on my own, love."

Joon was the protector type. Had been in all the time that I'd known him, and no doubt for even longer than that. He wanted to be superman for everyone since he didn't know how to be for himself. It's why he loved his fans so much. Why he put their wants and needs ahead of his own.

It's why when he'd taken one look at me and seen how much I needed someone to believe in me when I'd been so sure I was hopeless. And why I knew that he'd love this kid with every breath he had left in his body. That was just how Joon loved. So wholly, that it poured out of him like water through the cracks of the earth.

"I know that you want to take care of me, and that you want to do your best to take care of our family," I replied, my hand reaching out to guide his gaze towards mine. "But you might not always be here to fight my battles for me, and the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was capable of putting him right back in his place."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I kissed his forehead softly, my thumb rubbing back and forth against his cheek.

"Now, can you please stop worrying? He can sense when you're stressed."

"She", he corrected. I rolled my eyes.

"We'll see about that."

About an hour later, we settled into bed, I snuggled in with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. "Just a few more months, baby", he whispered just before I drifted off.

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"What about this one? It's 15 minutes away, that way I could stay here when I'm not working, and there's plenty of room for you and Monie and the baby." Namjoon had dragged me out of bed at what felt like the crack of dawn, but was really 10:30, to go apartment hunting. Now it was nearly sunset.

"I mean it's nice..." I started.

"But you don't like it." His face fell.

"Namu (tree in Korean), I'm sorry, I know how much you want me to be closer to you, but what's the rush?"

He sighed. "The baby will be here soon, and I've already missed so much," He cupped my face in his hand. "I just want to be there."

"There's still plenty of time. You've got four whole months to catch up. Plus, what about Minnie? I'll miss her too much from here."

"It's just half an hour," he mumbled under his breath.

"Oh my God, you're so dramatic."

"How can I not be? I miss you. If it were up to me, I'd never let you go."

"Oh? You'd never let me go, huh?" I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his wrapped around my waist.

"Never," he grinned, swooping down to kiss my neck. "Come on baby, work with me here."

I shook my head pulling away from him. "You know it'd be easier to say no if you were playing fair." After pulling his face mask back up, he waltzed into the other room where the real estate agent Bang had hired stood twiddling with his phone.

"We'll take it!"

A/N:

Yes, it has been two months. Yes, I have rewritten this entire chapter six times.

When I say it has been a struggle these last few months, I really do mean that. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, especially when it comes to this story. However, there have been a lot of unforeseen obstacles. I've been in and out of being sick both mentally and physically and have been really doing some maintenance on myself over the last year. Definitely had a few mental breakdowns throughout 2020, but all of them have helped me to understand the kind if person I want to be and what I need to do to change those things about myself.

It's been a long time coming, and trust me, I don't want to keep dragging you guys on for months at a time. The goal is to finish Clandestine by the end of next year. I'm gonna try and push out at least 25 more chapters before then. Like I said last time, I probably won't be back on my regular update schedule, but I will be updating more often for sure so that I can put out even more stories.

Thank you all so much for your support. I really do appreciate it and love you all dearly. Also, even though it's late, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years to you all.

xx A.R.C