Serotonin

24.

Tw: suicide

The house was extremely quiet when i got home, to quiet for comfort.

I locked the door behind me and walked into the livingroom.

There was a note laying on the kitchen counter.

I picked it up, it was a letter written by my dad.

Dear Olivia,

I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I just failed to love myself the same way.

I dropped the letter on the ground. I didn't need to read the rest of it to know what he was trying to say.

"Dad? Dad!" I yelled panicked as i ran upstairs.

He gave no answer which also scared me more.

I stormed into his room, it was empty. I looked around and saw that his bathroom light was on.

I fell over multiples times as i made my way through the mess in the room.

The fucking door was locked.

I punched the door multiple times in the hope that my dad would hear it and open the door but nothing happend.

"Dad open the door!" I yelled

It stayed quiet.

I took a deep breath to calm myself a bit down. I needed to thinl clearly if i wants this door open. I wasn't strong enough to break through so i needed a different solution.

I quickly remembered a trick that i had learned a while back. I grabbed a card that was laying in my dad's room and tried to open the door that way.

My hands where shaking so badly that i dropped the card multiple time. But after mutiple failed attempts the lock clicked.

I immediately stood up and opend the door.

My dad was laying on the floor with his wrist cut open.

"No, no, ,no." I said as tears streamed down my face.

I fell to my knees and tried to pull him up. I layed my fingers in his neck, i felt a pulse.

"You're going to okay. Everything's fine." I said to him as i pulled him into my lap.

I grabbed his wrist and held it as tight as possible. The bleeding needed to stop.

With the other hand I got my phone from my pocket and dialed 911. There was still hope, he was still breathing.

"I need an ambulance. There has been an suicide." My voice broke when i said that.

"Alright, what's your adres?"

I told her my adres and awaited further instructions from her.

"The ambulance is on It's way. Is the victim unconscious or not?"

"Unconscious but still breathing." I said as looked at my dad.

"Is there any bleeding?"

"Yes, his wrist. " I said trough my tears.

"I want you to put pressure on his wounds can you do that for me?" She asked in a friendly voice.

"Yes i can, hang on"

I put the phone on speaker and layed it down besides me. I grabbed two towels and tied them around his wounds. The bleeding slowed down.

"What now?" I asked panicked.

"I want you to stay on the phone until the ambulance arrives. Cwn you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"Alright, what's your name sweetie?"

"Olivia." I stuttered to the woman.

In the midst of this chaos i remembered that i had locked the door. The paramedics couldn't come in unless i left my dad.

I stayed on the phone until I heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll be back." I sat my dad s i gently layed him down kn the floor.

I ran down as quickly as possible and opened the door.

"He's in the bathroom." I said to them as i led them the way.

I stayed out of their way as i watched them put my dad on a stretcher.

I followed them into the ambulance. My dad looked more dead than alive and i absolutely hated it.

I stayed quiet as i watched my dad being hooked up to mutiple machine's.

All of a sudden one the machine started making a annoying sound. It took me a second to realise that his heart had stopped.

The paramedic immediately started doing chest compressions.

The other one grabbed a word looking instrument and held it above his chest.

"Clear." He said before he shocked him.

I held my breath until i finally heard the monitor beep again.

"He's back." The paramedic confirmed

I sighed relieved and leaned back again. I'm not ready for my dad to die.

The entire ride i was scared that his heart would stop again but that thank god didn't happen.

I followed them to the room and watched them transfer my dad on the bed.

Within a second the room was pure choas. Nurses and doctors where yelling stuff to each other as they hooked my dad up to machines.

I stepped out of the room so that i wouldn't be in their way.

As i walked away from the room i saw Calum running in.

This calmed me down a bit. I knew that my dad would be in good hands.

I waited in the hallway for a few minutes until i heard that the room had calmed down.

I stood in the doorway as i watched Calum write something down on a clipboard.

"Is he...is he alive?" I asked him.

He turned around and looked at me with a worried look on his face.

"Yes he is. He'll be better before you know it." He said as he walked towards me.

"Let's get you cleaned up." He said with a soft tone.

I ignored him. I walked past him and sat down next to my dad's bed. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know why he did it. I wanted him to tell me that it wasn't my fault.

Calum kneeled down to talk to me but he was interrupted by a woman.

"I'm sorry but i can talk to her for a second." The woman said.

Calum stood back up and nodded.

"I'll be back soon." Calum said to me before he left the room.

I didn't pay attention to them, i only had attention for my dad right now.