Serotonin

41.

We were all sitting on the couch, watching friends. But i noticed that no one was really paying attention to the show. We were all still thinking about what i had said.

Even though i had told them what happened i still felt guilty about it.

"I think I'm going to bed. I'm pretty tired." I said to the guys as i stood up.

I wasn't actually tired i just wanted to be alone for a while.

They all said goodnight. Normally i would've give them a hug but not this time.

I walked upstairs and closed my door behind me. I knew that i actually wasn't allowed to lock my door but i thought that I'd might help me sleep better.

When i layed down in bed my phone rang, it was Emma. I ignored her call. I've always hated phone calls and i wasn't in the mood right now.

But i didn't want to completely ignore her so i texted her instead.

Me: sorry, can't talk right now. Shall we meet up tomorrow?

She immediately texted back.

Emma: okay, at the same park around 3?

Me: yes

I shut my phone my off and trew my blankets over me. I looked at my ceiling as i tried to think about all the good thins that had happend instead of the bad things. But i gave after realising that there were more bad things then good.

I turned to my side and closed my eyes in the hope that i would be able to sleep without any nightmares.

I woke up sweating with a tight feeling in my chest. I had the same nightmare as always, i was back in that room while he whispered.

Nothing seemed to help, I've felt like i tried everything. I took sleeping pills, i slept in Luke's room and slept with a locked door. It was all useless, i couldn't escape him.

When i looked at my phone i saw that it was around 5 in the morning. I was happy with that  because that was the time that the guys where getting ready for work.

I walked downstairs and was greeted by Ashton.

"Goodmorning, how did you sleep?" He said not surprised by the fact that i was up so early.

I shrugged. "It was alright, no nightmares."

"That's good to hear." He said with a smile.

"Where's Luke?"

"Upstairs in his room."

I mumbled an thank you and went back upstairs.

I knocked on his door and entered his room.

He was watching tv in his bed.

"Goodmorning, how did you sleep?" He asked with a smile.

I shrugged and sat down next to him on his bed. I didn't want to lie twice so i just ignored his question.

"Can i go see Emma today?"

He thought about it for a second before answering.

"Alright, if you're up for it you can go to Emma. What time are you meeting up with her?"

"Around 3 at the park. "

"Well Michael is off today so you can stay here if you want to. You should ask him if he can drive you there."

"Thank you." I said with smile.

I left his room and went to Michael's to ask if he could drive me.

After i knocked on his door i walked him. He was playing fortnite.

"I'm sorry to bother but I've met with Emma at the park around 3. Can you drive me there?"

"Yeah of course." He said not taking his eyes of the tv.

I thanked him and went back to my room.

Working for school was pointless, i had already decided that i was going to redo the year. Luke had thankfully agreed with that. I just hoped that my dad wouldn't be too mad about it.

I decided to just watch tv for a couple of hour until it was time to leave.

As i was getting dressed to leave i noticed the bruises on my body.

I gently touched my bruised neck while i looked at myself in the mirror.

It was like his hand was still around it.

I started crying again. I didn't want to think about those things. Out of frustration i kicked the mirror causing it to fall.

It didn't break but did make a lot of noises.

I sighed, knowing that the whole house probably heard it.

"Everything okay in here?" Michael asked as he knocked on the door.

"Fine." I replied agitated.

He entered the room and walked towards me.

"Frustrated?" He asked while he put the  mirror back up.

I shrugged. "Mabye."

He remained quiet but gave me a look that i had to answer.

"I can't escape him." I said with my head down.

Michael kneeled down infront of me. "What do you mean by that?"

"Everytime i see myself i see his hands around me neck. Sometimes he is even stranding behind me."

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"I just want to forget everything. I don't want to think about it anymore."

He gave me an understanding look and opened his arms.

Hesitantly i accepted his hug and let myself relax

"He isn't here anymore. Soon your own memories won't scare you any more."

I whiped away my last tears and pushed myself away from him. "It's almost time to go."

He looked at his watch and nodded. "You're right, I'll wait for you in the car."

He got up and left my room.

I took a deep breath in and covered my neck up with a turtleneck. Today was going to be a good day not a bad one.

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Michael asked as i stepped into the car.

I nodded. "Most definitely."

Michael smiled back and started the car.

We both sang along to the songs on the radio. It made driving a lot more fun.

"What time should i pick you up?" He aksed when we arrived at the park

"You don't have to pick me up, Emma will drop me off."

"Alright, text to me when you're on your way home."

"I will, thanks for driving me." I said to him as i stepped out of the car.

"Have fun!" He yelled as i walked away.

With a smile on my face i ran to Emma who was already sitting on the bench.