Serotonin

37.

"Rise and shine." Michael sang when he entered the room with a big smile.

"Please don't ever say that again." I mumbled to him.

He laughed as he grabbed my chart."Fine i won't."

I wanted to talk to him but my throat still hurted, especially from that wonderful dream i had last night.

"Did you get sleep last night?"

I shook my head and hold three fingers up. It felt like i only had slept 3 hours.

"3 hours?" He aksed.

I nodded.

He sighed as he layed my chart down. "That's not a lot."

"I know." I said with my head down.

"Ashton wants to talk to you today to fet some things of your chest. I may even help with sleeping a little bit better."

I didn't say anything back. I didn't want to talk about what had happend. I wanted to forget about it.

"He'll come see you after you've finished your breakfast." He said as he pointed the the tray if food next to me.

I didn't even  notice that it was there. It was probably was brought in by a nurse while i was still sleeping.

I wasn't really hungry and my throat still hurted so i only ate a few things of the tray. Hospital food freaking sucked anyway.

After an hour Ashton entered the room with a smile on his face.

"I brought you some of your own clothes. I thought that that would be more comfortable." He said as he layed the item's on my bed.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"How's your voice?" He asked me.

"A little better but my throat still hurts."

He nodded. "I want to talk to today. You don't have to but i still want to give you the opportunity to do so."

"Like now and here?"

"I was thinking now and outside. Some fresh air will do you good, it will clear your mind a bit."

I hesitated. Everything still hurted, i don't know if i was ready to go outside.

"I'll let you change first. "He said to me before he left the room.

I hesitated, it felt weird to take commands from him.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and put the sweatpants on. It took more effort then i would've like to admit.

The hoodie was easier to put on because my arms didn't hurt as much as my legs.

"I'm finished." I tried to say as loud as my voice allowed it.

Ashton entered the room. "Are you ready to get some fresh air?"

Ashton offered me his hand. I hesitantly accepted it and lifted myself on my legs.

I didn't want him to touch me but i still needed some support. He kept his arm limb next to his body so that i could use it as supposed wihtout feelling like i was being controlled.

I held tightly on to his arm while we slowly walked towards the exit.

"I don't understand why it hurts so much." I whispered to him as we where walking.

"It's because your body had to use muscle that normally don't get used. Plus the fact that it was forced onto you." He explained.

"When will it stop?" I aksed with tears in my eyes.

"Soon, it all will be gone soon." He said in a reassuring voice.

We sat down on a bench close the entrance so that i didn't have to walk ao far.

"How are feeling right now?" Ashton asked once we were seated.

I cleard my throat and tried to speak as clear as possible "Like he's still there."

"Like you're still in that room?" He aksed.

I nodded tears in my eyes.

"Do have that feeling during the day, at night or both?"

"Both." I said as my voice broke.

"I'm sorry, i just can't" I said as i tried to control my tears.

"You don't need to apologise. You decide when your ready. I'm happy for what you've told me today, that's enough for now."

I whiped my last tears away and looked him in the eyes. "Thank you."

"Shall we go back inside?" He asked.

I nodded and let him help me up. But i didn't need as much support as before, i guess some fresh air reallly can do miracles.

Calum and Luke where standing in my room when we got back.

"You get to go home." Calum said with a smile.

I tried to smile back but was unsuccessful.

It felt like it was too soon to leave.

"Already?"

Luke nodded as i saw Ashton leave the room.

"You don't need any medical supervision right now. So you get to go home."

"Don't you want to go home?" Calum aksed confused.

"I do, it's just quite fast."

Ashton walked back in the room with a wheelchair and told me to sit in it.

I didn't want to do it but i also knew that i didn't have the strength to walk myself. And i still refused to be touched.

I kept my head down as he rolled me into the parking lot.

I still felt so helpless.

They all looked at me like i was going to break any moment. I mean they always looked at me like that but this time it was worse.

My voice was almost back, only my throat really hurted. But i still refused to talk as much as they wanted.

They all agreed that it would be best if only Luke was in the car with me right now. The more men they thought, the quicker i would freak out.

The number didn't matter to me. I already knew that one alone could cause enough pain.

"Are you comfortable?" Luke asked from the driver's seat.

"Yes."

He didn't turn the radio on which told me that he wanted to talk.

"I know that you don't want to talk about it yet and i understand that. But you also have to understand that i want this guy to pay for what he did. "He said as he drove away from the hospital.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Mabye It's best if you talk to the police."

The guys still didn't know where i knew the man from and that was slowy eating me up inside. I didn't want to hide anything from them but i was too embarrassed to tell them anything.

"No" i said firmly.

"Please Olivia just think about it. It may help to give him more jail time."

"Stop." I said with a raspy voice.

Luke sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry for pushing you to talk about this."

When we got home i walked around the house to make sure that nobody was there and that there where no cameras.

After i checked everything twice i went upstairs to my room. It looked so different then i remembered.

Someone had cleaned up because everything was spotless. All the the dirty clothes where gone and my bed sheets where washed.

I changed my clothes and layed down in my bed. It didn't smell like me anymore and i hated that. I needed something familiar.

But that didn't stop me from falling asleep the minute my head hit my pillow.