Serotonin

32.

"Can you drop me home?" I asked Calum.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, we won't be home for atleast a few hours."

"Pleaseeee."

He sighed. "Only if Luke is okay with it."

I crossed my arms and leaned back in my seat, no way that Luke was going to say yes.

"I'll text him." I said to Calum.

Me: I'm currently in the car with Calum, it is okay if he drops me off at home? I don't mind staying home alone.

Luke: tell him to drive to the hospital first.

I groaned and out my phone into my pocket.

"And?" Calum asked.

"You need to drive to the hospital first."

He grinned as he switched driving lanes.

Luke was waiting at the entrance when we arrived back at the hospital.

We both got out of the car but Calum told me to wait infront of the car.

He walked to Luke and i saw him whisper something into Luke's ear but i was to far away to hear what he said.

Then they both bodded and Luke walked my way.

"Let's go home." Luke said with a smile.

I didn't say anything back and stepped into his car. I wanted to be alone.

"I'm going to my room." I said to him once we where home.

"Okay, I'll be downstairs if you need."

I walked upstairs to my room. I kept my door open so that i could hear what was going on downstairs. It was a new learned habit caused by my dad.

I decided to try to do something for school again.

But after a while i got tired so i closed my laptop and lied down for a bit. I didn't plan on falling alseep but it happend anyway.

I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to let them adjusts to the darkroom.

It was completely dark with only one lamp in the middle of the room. It was standing on a low table where my dad an Jasmin where sitting on.

"Come play." My dad said with a grin when he saw me.

I sat sat down on the floor and looked at the chessboard. The board was completely empty.

"There are no pieces." I said to them.

Both of started to laugh. "That's funny."

My dad went to move a piece and pretended to take a piece away.

"Your turn." Jasmin said with a serious face.

"I..i..i can't see them."

"I said your turn." She repeated angry.

"I can't!"

I started to sweat, what was happening?

Jasmin eyes turned pure white as she stood up. "Everybody can see them. Mabye you hit your head?"

She slowly walked around the table and brushed my shoulder.

Then all of a sudden she trew a knife at my dad, hitting him in the eye.

I screamed myself awake.

When i finally woke i was sweating like crazy and my breathing was out of control.

Why the hell would i ever dream something like that?

I wantsed tk cry so badly but the oain in chest kept me from doing that.

Soon enough i heard Luke barging upstairs. He must've heard me scream.

"Olivia are you okay?" He aksed worried as he stormed into my room.

I shook my head as i gasped for air.

"lay down, you're having a panic attack."

I'm pretty sure he was lying because it felt like i was having a bloody heart attack.

I layed down like he told me to. I closed my eyes and teied to focus on my breathing.

After a few minutes the pain in my chest started to disappear.

I slowy sat up, i was finally able to cry.

Luke didn't hesitate and hugged me. I closed my eyes as i embraced it.

"I'm so glad that I didn't let you stay home alone." He whispered to me after a few minutes of silence.

I pushed myself from him. Him saying that made me feel guilty. Like he always needed to babysit me otherwise something bad would happen.

"Don't say that." I mumbled to him.

"Say what?" He aksed slightly confused.

I stood up and went to sit on my bed again. "I don't want you to think that i need help every time I'm alone. I don't want you to treat me like a child."

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way that was never my intention. I just wanted to make sure that there was someone there for you when you needed it."

While he said that i thought back to my dad.

I glanced over to the picture frame that was on my nightstand.

He caught me doing that. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't help but think that this entire mess mess is my fault. I kept telling him that we didn't need help. Everything would be fine if i just kept smiling for him. I tried so badly to keep him happy but eventually i couldn't even be happy myslef anymore. I eventually took him down with me."

He joined me on my bed and trew his arm over my shoulder. "It's not your fault, your dad was in a hole that you couldn't get him out of. He doesn't blame you for not being able to help any more than you did so neither should you."

"I've thought it too. You know, just ending it." I confessed to him.

"When did you feel this way?"

I shrugged. "Hard to pinpoint a date. Those thoughts probably stared when my dad first hurted himself. It was like he showed me that that option was available."

"Do you still have this thoughts?"

That felt like a trick question because if i would say yes he would be incredibly worried but if i said no i would be lying.

"Sometimes, but i don't listen to them like i used to do."

"That's good to hear. You can always talk to me if those thoughts ever get to loud."

I smiled at him and let my head fall against his chest.

"Ashton wants to start therapy tomorrow morning. Unless you don't feel up for it."

"No, tomorrow is fine."

"Do you want to stay here to sleep or shall we watch something downstairs right now?" He asked me.

I definitely didn't want to sleep again after that nightmare. "Downstairs."

"Why didn't you become a therapist? You were pretty good today." I aksed when Luke was about to stand up.

"I would never be able to just let a patient go after they would open up." He said with a smile.