𝐋𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄 | Spencer Reid

Chapter 16 - Seeing Red

"This unsub looks like he's on a spree. Wheels up in 30," Hotch nodded to the team as everyone rose from their seats. You stood up slowly, your face twisting as you lifted your sore ass from your chair.

Spencer pressed his lips together, trying to hold back a snicker, "You okay Y/N?"

"Yeah, I'm just dandy Spencer," you said sarcastically. 

Before anyone had the chance to leave the room Rossi turned to face everyone, "By the way, everyone, Krystal and I decided on New York City for the wedding." The room filled with oohs and aahs. 

Shit. You had totally forgotten that Rossi invited the team to his wedding which was next weekend. 

"Wow, the city? It's gonna be beautiful Dave I'm sure Kyrstal is going to love it," Emily gushed.

Everyone made their way to their desks or the breakroom to grab some last-minute things. You caught up with Reid who was walking down the platform.

"Hey, Spence!" you ran up next to him.

"What's up?"

"I kind of forgot to ask you this earlier but what do you think about going to Rossi's wedding together?" 

Spencer's eyes moved to the floor. "As friends of course!" you corrected yourself, "I don't know we could just show up hand in hand, it'll be cool."

He let out a small exhale and smiled, "Sure, that sounds fun."

"Cool," you replied.

"Oh, by the way, I'll try and find some ice when we get to the hotel," he shot a look at your butt before walking off.

"Piss off!" you shot back while he could still hear you. 

...

The case went by, as usual, only talking to each other strictly about work. You tried to be more careful this time around as spree-killers are known to be more dangerous. But the thought of you putting yourself in danger again, earning another 'punishment' from Spencer, took over your mind.

However, you've caught Spencer staring at you a couple of times from the corner of your eyes. He wasn't eyeing you up and down flirtatiously, it was almost as if he was studying you. He looked like a teenage boy at a school dance who was afraid to ask a girl he liked to dance.

He hasn't really interacted with you even on the plane ride home. This case was pretty tough so you thought that was the reason why he was being so distant.

The jet landed sometime late at night. Before walking into the office you had an idea to cheer Spencer up. You ran to a little bakery that was just down the street of Quantico, the comforting smell of fresh baked goods filled your nose as you entered the cute shop. You picked up a fluffy chocolate sprinkle donut, the kind you knew that Spence loved. He would always jump with glee when the office treated us to a box of donuts. No one fought him over the only chocolate sprinkle that was in there because they knew they would lose. Plus the sight of him munching away with not a care in the world was too adorable.

The sweet old lady behind the counter grabbed the best donut in the batch with a piece of parchment paper and placed it into a little bag. After you paid you practically skipped back to the office, so excitedly anticipating seeing Spencer's smile that was absent for the past few days.

When you returned to the office you saw Spencer standing with Morgan through the window of the roundtable room, his face still gloomy-looking. He didn't spot you which was good, so you tiptoed up the stairs with his surprise in hand.

Your hand had stopped in its tracks just before you were about to knock as you heard your name in the midst of their mumbled conversation. Eavesdropping was bad and you knew that, but you couldn't help yourself. You leaned against the door that was slightly cracked open.

"You serious? Not even a little?" came Derek's voice.

"Not even a little," Spencer replied.

"C'mon man, she's a beautiful girl inside and out. I don't see why you just won't let yourself like her. Even lover her."

"Stop it, Morgan!" Reid shouted back. "I do NOT love her nor do I like her."

W-what?

You heard Derek sigh, "Don't say that, you just want to convince yourself that you don't. I don't believe that you're just using her for sex, that's not you kid."

"Don't. Don't try to profile me. What's between Y/N and I is just sex, nothing else. I don't fucking want anything to do with her otherwise and I never will."

"Is this about Maeve...?" Derek's voice was quiet.

There was a pause. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," Reid snapped.

Your heart had caught in your throat at the conversation you just heard. You felt sick at the words that came out of Spencer's mouth about you. Your vision blurred with tears as you ran down the stairs, miraculously not falling as your legs were shaking. Feeling as though you were wearing a barbed wire garland around your throat, you choked back violent tears as you stomped past the lineup of desks. 

Crumbling the surprise you were so excited to give to Spencer in your hand, you slammed it down into the nearest trashcan. 

How dare he? How fucking dare he? You spent your entire life picking up the millions of pieces, desperately trying to put them back together, just to have them grind down to fine dust beneath Spencer's feet.

You were never official but that didn't make this hurt less. If there was one thing that would never fail to break you was betrayal. You never allowed yourself to be sad for too long, you saw feeling sorrow as weak and useless. So your sadness quickly turned to anger, raging anger. You were seeing red. The mere thought of Spencer Reid made you see red.

All of the moments you've had other than sex, the moments where you laughed together until you peed, the moments where you stared into each other eyes amid cuddling each other until you drifted to sleep. Did those mean nothing to him? 

You ran into the women's bathroom, luckily it was empty. Slamming the stall door shut, you wrapped your arms around your body, the only thing that could comfort you right now was you shielding yourself from the world. You sat there for minutes not knowing what to do with yourself, you had to relieve your body of this feeling because every time you felt this it led to you harming yourself.

Amid trying to calm yourself by focusing on your breathing you instinctively slammed the wall of the stall trying to stifle your screams. You hated this. You hated feeling so out of control especially of yourself.

Exiting the stall you walked over to the mirror, sighing at what you saw in front of you. You looked like a fucking mess. Were you really going to allow some stupid conversation that you weren't supposed to here affect you like this? Unfortunately.

Every since you ran away from home you avoided anything and everything that would make you feel this way. You one night stand'ed your college years away not allowing yourself to get close and attached to anyone. But not this time. You let yourself fall in love with Spencer, just to find out that he didn't want anything to do with you besides sex.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, darkness glossing over your eyes. You wiped the tears away and thought of the only person that was coming to your mind at the moment.

Storming out of the bathroom you grabbed your things from your desk not looking around you as you strode over the elevators. Just as the dinging sound went off you saw Spencer approaching.

"Oh Y/N, hold it please!"

Without hesitation, you hit the 'close doors' button, watching him as a confused look came over his face.

You arrived, staring at the huge building that was in front of you as rain dramatically poured on you. Your fucking luck. 

After taking the elevator to one of the higher floors, you desperately knocked at the crimson door before it hesitantly swung open.

"Y/N?"

"Emily..."