INFINITY

CHAPTER 2: Blurring Lines

9th September 2020

"..But they plan and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of Planners." (8:30)

Shazin could not have been more grateful for the niqab that adorned her face as she stood there still, eyes unblinking and mouth wide agape. Shazin felt lightheaded as she made her way out through the crowd who still cheered heartily, oblivious of the one heart that fell to the ground, shattering into a thousand tiny shards.

"Hey everyone," his calm voice through the mic cut her off midstep again, "My name is-" Before he could complete, she sprinted to the exit.

Shazin rushed through the now empty hallways. Walking out the glass door of the main entrance, she found herself on the campus grounds again. She raised her niqab, letting in more air as she felt chocked by her own thoughts. The same cold air that made her smile earlier in the day, stung her wet cheeks now.

The dried leaves crunched under the weight of her boots as she made her way towards the empty amphitheatre, her heart still wildly thudding in her chest. She inhaled the smell of the damp pine trees that surrounded her, trying and failing to calm her senses.

She could not believe this was happening. What were the odds? She did not want this now! Everything was going perfectly. She had successfully fled from her past. Why did it have to follow her all the way, halfway across the world? Why now? Why when everything was just starting to get better.

She sat by a tree stand, slowly absorbing the events she had witnessed. Just like the trees that surrounded her looked worn out and weighed down by the snow that had started falling, her heart too weighed a million pounds in her chest as she wrapped her arms around herself. It wasn't him, but what he brought along with him that physically pained Shazin, she could not imagine having to go through all that torture again.

Silence enveloped the place only to be occasionally interrupted by hoots and cheers from the auditorium nearby. She knew she shouldn't have attended college today.

She found it hard to process the sequence of events even after a solid fifteen minutes. She knew this wasn't her, someone to give up so easily, not after she had raised herself from the ashes she had burned herself into, not after holding herself together for so long. This girl here, with a fluttering heart and an unsure mind was an alien to her, for that part of her had been banished away a long time ago.

She whipped out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until her hands hovered over a familiar name she hadn't seen in a while.

He remained just as she had remembered him, the same smile, the same gentle voice, the same brown curly hair, except nothing was the same anymore. Oh, what a mess she was! Her mind wandered back reminiscing faces she had not thought of in a while. She wondered how everybody else was doing. If they ever thought about her.

"Oii! There you are!" Zera called out breaking her from her reverie.

Shazin slipped back the phone in her pocket and tried to muster a small smile as she waved back.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing! Why would you a-ask?" Shazin asked her voice breaking in the end.

"Oh never mind! Of course you're fine, it's totally not like there's anything wrong about abruptly leaving a place and sitting here all alone looking as though you have seen a ghost. Shazin, your face has gone pale and your voice is breaking for God's sake, I could spot from a mile away that your eyes looked distressed from the audi!"

"Wow, really?" Shazin asked skeptical.

"No! Of course not, I was exaggerating dumbo. I'm not a behaviorist, well not yet. I was standing right next to you and clearly heard you say uh oh."