Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

One: Wreaking Havoc

this book takes places two years after Catalina has Mahlia.

CATALINA

When I was younger, maybe in my teens, I remember not being able to wait until I was older and had my mother out of my hair. I thought life got easier when we got older, but we all know that's not the case, and it certainly wasn't the case for me. Throughout every aspect of our lives, we wait for the next step because we're waiting for things to get easier.

A few years ago, I thought that if I could just escape the city of Portland and be with the man I love for the rest of my life, then everything would be perfect. I wasn't entirely wrong, because it is perfect, but I never said perfect was easy. I got the house, the family, and the husband that I never thought a person like me could ever get, and I'm nothing but grateful, but in a sense, it's nothing that I thought it'd be.

I just put Mahlia and Alex to sleep after a long day of chasing them around, but Eric just won't go and he won't stop crying either. I sigh as I bounce him in my arms. My whole body is tired and I feel like I could literally collapse, but I can't because my baby is in my hands. I have yet to eat anything, all I've been doing for the past two hours is trying to get Eric to stop screaming.

"Baby what's wrong with you?" I sigh as I look at his tiny little face as he wails with rosy red cheeks. "I'm trying, please calm down."

I've tried everything I can think of to get him to stop and he just won't. I feel my nose tingling as tears begin to fill my own eyes. I wish I knew what was wrong with him so that I can make it stop. I'm crying because my body is aching and all I want to do is sleep and also because my baby can't talk to let me know what's wrong so I can't help him.

"Mommy loves you, please stop crying." I sniffle, feeling my tears get dry and sticky because I can't wipe them away.

I sigh and listen to him crying in my ear, unsure of what I can do at this point. Besides let him howl in my ear and rock him on my hips before I collapse on the floor in exhaustion.

I hear the sound of keys jingling from the front room and I gasp, rushing to the door to meet Ashton.

"Please tell me you have food." Is the first thing I say, placing Eric's crying in the back of my mind.

"No, you said you would-- why are you crying?" He furrows his eyebrows and reaches his hand out to touch my cheek, confirming that actual tears are coming out of my eyes.

"He won't stop. I'm so tired, and the house is a mess, I haven't had a chance to cook or eat." I sniffle as I rock Eric in my arms while he screams in my ears.

"Oh." Ashton's eyes widen as he takes Eric out of my hands. "Okay. Do you want me to cook?"

"You just got off of work and it's eleven at night." I sigh.

"Okay, I'll order some food." He says. "Where is Alex and Mahlia?"

"They just went to sleep. It took forever to get them to bed, and he's been awake since."

"Well then we just need to put him to sleep, right?"

"and clean the front room." I gesture my hand to the baby toys all over the floor before I look back at Ashton.

I feel horrible enough. I mean I'm home all day trying to get my life outside of being a mother together and the only thing I really have to do is cook a damn plate of decent food for me and Ashton to eat and I can't even do that. Good thing my babies don't require cooked meals to live because I'd fail at that too.

"I'm sorry." I tell him with a sigh.

"Why are you sorry?" Ashton raises an eyebrow while he pats Eric's back.