Love me back (Bill Kaulitz fanfiction)

Reality is crual

Actually, even if I had tried harder to talk to them, they were still physically unreachable. People kept surrounding them all the time: the director, the make-up artist…They were also followed by their own cameraman who was constantly filming them, probably for their Youtube channel. The least I could do was wait for them to finish their first session of shooting. Until then, I would just hide, watch them from afar and, like Paul's boss said, try not to be in the way.

"Who are you?" a woman suddenly asked me and grabbed me by the wrist. "You're not supposed to be there. Go help the guys in the back; they need help to move one of the machines. Come on, move!"

"Wait, I'm not-!" I tried to object as she pushed me towards the boys. "I'm not one of the- Stop it, damn it, I don't work here! I'm Paul's sister! The assistant of the director!"

Of course, because I was now panicking and talking loud, the boys turned their heads and our eyes met. I felt so embarrassed I pretended not to have seen them and immediately walked away. However, I couldn't help hiding behind one of the large concrete pillars to hear their conversation.

"Who was that girl?" I heard Bill ask in English to the woman. "I swear I've seen her before."

"She said she was Paul's sister." Gustav answered. "I don't remember her name."

"Yes, she was with her friend Sarah." Georg replied to him. "We met them a week ago with Paul. I know her friend was way nicer than her."

"He's right, I remember now!" Tom exclaimed and turned to Bill. "Don't you remember? She was this odd girl -Angelica or something like that- who looked like she was 14 and yelled at you because she thought you were talking about her sex life."

"Oh, Angelica!" Bill suddenly remembered and smiled. "Yeah, god was she odd. She was pretty mean to us." he repeated slowly with a strong German accent to the camera.

The "mean", "odd girl"; when I heard the twins say that, I felt a lump in my throat.

"What is she doing here anyway?" Tom asked.

"I don't know." Bill replied. "But you know what? It doesn't matter. We've got a lot of scenes to shoot today so let's just work and forget about her, okay?"

The others agreed. As I heard someone order us to clear the set, I walked past them again and, this time, gave them a direct, cold stare. Then, I sat next to my brother as they were about to shoot the first scenes.

"Did you apologize?" Paul asked.

"No." I answered sharply. "I wanna go home."

"You know we can't yet." I heard my brother say before the others shushed him.

The first scene to shoot was a bunch of hot girls in tight shorts making out. Then, they did the same, with Bill walking beside them and singing in playback. Stuck on my chair in the dark, I wasn't allowed to move or make a sound. It was enraging to know that I was the one responsible for putting myself in this situation. At first, I was a little fascinated and observed the scene with curiosity. But after multiple takes, it got quite boring and I was getting a headache from the director screaming directives next to me.

"Get closer!" "Suck on that lip!" "Good, good!" "Not so much tongue!"

I assume the models were around the same age as me. Yet they were all much more beautiful. They were all slim and tall with long legs, silky porcelain skin and well-proportioned silhouettes, like they had all been carved in ivory. I can't say I wasn't jealous. The more I compared myself to them, the more I felt ill-at-ease. It was understandable why the woman thought I was a staff member rather than one of them. After the fifth take, I finally got up from my chair and left the room. When I went to the bathrooms to get some water, I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. I hated that face. It was sad, red, swollen and sweaty like it was melting as I looked closer at it. I hated that dry blond hair that looked like straw. As for the body, it looked like a photo of one of the hot girls of the set, except it had been shrunken down and inflated like a Photoshop prank. I would never be the one standing next to Bill in the video –except on a parody, maybe. I regretted to have come and wanted to go home badly.

"You're okay?" I heard a voice ask and I turned my head.

It was Paul, of course.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I replied. "It was so hot in there I thought I was about to collapse."

"I know. When they saw you left, the girls asked for a break too. We're finally moving to the next scene. You saved them, more or less."

"Hurray." I retorted with an ironic smile.

"You're sure you're okay? You don't look so good."

That sentence almost made me smile bitterly and I decided to lie a little.

"Sorry. I guess I still can't believe my favorite band decided to exploit their fans' weak points so explicitly."

"Angela." my brother sighed. "Don't start."

"No, I won't change my mind. It's misogynistic and not realistic. Of course, in the video, everybody looks like a sex symbol, all dressed in chic clothes and makes love with other hot, chic young people. But it's not real; it's only in the imagination."

"Yeah. So what?" Paul asked and shrugged.

"Well, reality is much crueler than that. I think people should remember that."

"Why? Why would you bring reality back? You're destroying the whole concept of imagination: it's supposed to be the exact opposite of reality. It's a place in your mind where you can go when you think reality is lame."

"Yeah, well, it sucks. Every time you go there, waking up is more painful because you're always reminded that it's all just a lie, one way or another." I concluded.

As I said that, I suddenly heard a noise and saw Georg walk out of the men's room, pretending he hadn't seen us. I was pretty sure that he had heard me. However, I chose to ignore him. Little did I know that this would lead to an interesting conversation between the four boys.

"We'll start shooting again." The cameraman said to Bill.

"Ok."

"Are you nervous?" Gustav asked him in German.

"I was at little, at first. But now, I'm just tired." Bill answered and smiled.

"Tell me about it. When I had to play the drums again and again, I thought I was going to die." Gustav said and rubbed his fingers.

"Hey, Gerhart is back!" Tom called the bassist –due to the fact that almost none of the American team could pronounce his name properly.

"Guess who I met in the bathrooms?" Georg asked the three others.

"Britney Spears! Jessica Alba!" the twins answered at the same time and laughed.

"No. Looking at his face, I guess he met Angelica again." Gustav replied with a smile.

"Yep; and guess what she was saying to her brother?"

"I don't know." Tom said and sighed. "Complaining about us annoyingly, I guess?"

The bassist nodded and smirked.

"She said we are misogynistic and we exploit our fans' weak points."

The twins sighed, rolling their eyes.

"What is her problem? Why doesn't she just shut up and leave?" Bill grunted.

"Ok, guys, let's go!" the director shouted as everybody cleared the set. "Let's spread love!"