Whispers : BTS

Never Enough

The clouds in the overcast sky reminded me of the ripples on a tigers coat. A beautiful layout with tiny breaks of blue to represent the hurdles that we faced. They seemed endless as it stretched across the sky, and us it was a endless battle.

I sniffled to myself, trying to push all negativity out. It had been what, 10 minutes? I was already a blubbering mess. Thank goodness he was gone; the black mascara running down my cheeks was definently a good look.

I needed to be strong. I need to get ahold of myself. With a quick glance at myself in my view mirror and I scoffed at my current state, wiping my face of the stray tears that had somehow escaped and tried to breathe.

I fell asleep quickly once I got home, my own bed feeling strange yet warm and I wondered if he was as pathetic as I was.

*-

The first few days were the worst. I was constantly reminded of their presence around me - yet he was gone. I was able to focus on work more still managing the half work from home ethic I had picked up.

I learned in fact someone WAS dating an idol within the building. Well, someone other than me.

Absolutely no one on the planet knew that we knew eachother; except my boss. She did her part and stayed quiet, helping when she could. Two weeks after his departure and two weeks into constantly checking my phone - she invited me to lunch again. Another slightly rare occurence... her pregnant self waddled into my office with a smile.

"Are you eating ice cream before lunch?" I laughed, setting my pen down and holding back large laughter at her. She had mere weeks to go - the annoyance of being pregnant fully kicked in.

"I'm always eating." She answered with a mouthful then smiled at me. "Lets go eat."

-*

Lunch was actually fantastic. She wanted to walk around, and as we walked the small block of the city we made casual talk.

"So your boyfriend." She started speaking but stopped and I looked over at her. We had stopped and were eating on a bench in the tiniest park ever, the street food never tasting so food.

"Mine?" I needed to make sure we were talking about the same person because she looked all serious at me.

"Yes yours." She grinned warmly, glancing around again in the most unsuspicious way but her eyes that hid a smile found mine again.

"He is gone right now... No?" She asked and I crinkled my head in confusion.

"Yes I think they are in..."

"It doesn't matter, it doesnt matter." She interrupted me and flagged my hand down to grab it. "You have worn the same thing for two days in a row." She said perfectly in a overly chasting motherly way. "He didn't die, he is on tour." She gently pushed my hands as she let go, signaling to me she wasn't going to let this happen.

"I know that." I said rudely, as if she had any idea what I was even feeling. I couldn't look at her anymore, with her sad pathetic truths.

"Focus on you. Come help me get the final stuff for the baby."

I pouted when she mentioned her covered beach ball; I did want to go. That sounded fun. Maybe I needed to go shopping. Even better when it wasnt my money.

-*

Before I knew it weeks had passed. We texted daily, almost hourly some days, and I began to fall back into the way my life worked before I wasnt a secret girlfriend.

I could do what I wanted. I could read a book. I could burn the book midway. I did alot of random things: the main thing I did was try not to miss him.