✔️Soundtrack to My Youth (18+)

Save Tonight

Nick invited us to stay for dinner so while He, Aunty Celeste and Dad cooked tacos and talked about Dad's diagnosis and what it meant for his future, I wandered upstairs in search of Bridget and Sam.

Sam's bedroom door was closed but I could hear their muffled conversation as I was coming up the stairs but it stopped once I was outside the door. I tapped lightly on the door before swinging it open. Bridget was sitting on Sam's bed, her face was puffy from crying, her eyes bloodshot. She looked completely worn down. Sam was leaning against his desk, he too looked like he had shed tears. 

As I step into the room, Sam moves towards me, engulfing me in the comfort of his arms, he kisses the top of my head while stoking my back.

"How are you feeling baby?" He asks me

"Like I've been hit by a truck" a truck I knew was coming but still it doesn't get any easier, if anything it's worse because I know how bad Dad is going to get as it spreads throughout his lungs, making it even harder for him to breathe. I come sit beside Bridget and she lays her head in my lap as she sobs quietly.

"If Dad dies will I have to go live with Mum?" She asks me, she's so scared, everything in her life is changing and it's overwhelming her.

"If anything happens to Dad I promise you that you would stay with me or Aunty Celeste"  I'd never allow her back in my Mother's house ever again, not after the trauma she's been put through. 

"I don't want my Daddy to die" She wails, her whole body convulsing as she weeps. I remember this pain all too well, it cut me to my core. Losing a parent, at any age, is like losing a giant part of yourself and feeling like you never had enough time with them and that first year without him was the hardest year of our lives, his birthday, ours, Christmas, there was always that empty seat and his larger than life presence missing. This is a fucking nightmare, to be dragged through all of this again.

 Sam comes to kneel in front of us, stroking Bridget's hair to sooth her with one hand while intwining his other with mine. I love that we have him as support today. 

"Would you like me to explain to you what Dad has? Just so you have a better understanding of what's going to happen?" I ask her and she nods her head and lets out a small whimper.

"Yes please"

"Long before we were born Dad worked on building sites building what they refer to as fibro houses, which relates to the material used, it contained a toxic substance known as asbestos. When breathed in the fibres stick to the walls of the lungs, damaging them and causes tutors to eventually grow"

"But why now, if he breathed it in so long ago?"

"The fibres damaged his lungs over time from sitting on the lining and that's how the tumours developed, from the damage"

"Why did he breathe it in if it was so bad and he knew it would hurt him" She's angry, she thinks Dad ignored the safety warnings.

"Back when he was your age and he was just starting his apprenticeship they didn't have the regulations like they do now. They didn't know it was so dangerous, so he wouldn't have worn a mask or any protective gear and he was probably exposed to it everyday without knowing the risks." 

This is in no way my Dad's fault and I need to make that very clear to Bridget.

"It's not fair" She cries.

"it's not, it's cruel" 

"So what will happen now?" She asks, sitting up to look me dead in the eyes, she's searching for the truth and doesn't want it watered down just because she's considered a kid.