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Emil sighed softly as he cleaned his room for what seemed to be the thousandth time within two days. He panic cleaned often.

Things weren't settling right in his heart and he knew the reason. He couldn't believe he did that... he lied to his best friends.

Home issues... what a joke.

He sat on the floor against the frame of his bed and he looked at his now cracked phone screen and winced when he remembered the dent in the wall from when he threw it.

It was all materialistic bullshit anyways.

The pain in his chest grew when he finally turned on the phone and saw the lock screen. It was of him and Leon from the China trip.

Anger surged through his veins and he wanted to destroy the phone but... he couldn't. He didn't have the money to buy a new one. He knew Berwald would be the first to buy him one if he asked but he felt guilty if he ever did. It was his own fault his phone was broken anyways.

Well it was shattered... just like his heart.

With another sigh he turned the phone off again and reached for his laptop- pulling it onto his lap. He scrolled through social media with a bored and blank look in his eyes. He hadn't felt happy in a while.

Maybe he should just try and talk to him- no.

He wasn't weak. He was strong. He would get through this... besides- the one who ended things wasn't him.

It was the lies and betrayal.

Emil felt his throat tighten and he wanted to cry again- but he wouldn't. He sniffled and rubbed the would be tears away from his eyes and shakily took a breath.

On Instagram he had paused his scrolling... he saw Lovino and Antonio... arms wrapped around each other with smiles of love on their faces... they were a true testament to true love.

Matthew and Gilbert too... it seemed like Emil was the one with the short end of the stick.

Hell... he wasn't a best friend to Lovino and Matthew... they were each other's best friends... he was just a close friend that stood on the sidelines... unnoticed until he was needed.

He felt cold. The anxiousness and depression clawed away at his body until he just wanted to fade away into nothingness.

But he couldn't... he had to live for his brother... for his friends... he had to be happy for them when he himself was anything but.

If only he could have been normal.

If only he could have changed himself.

If only... Leon still loved him.

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