Chapter 4: Chance's Heart

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Onika Tanya Maraj-Knowles
June 15
San Diego, California

"I don't want my daughter on no fucking lithium Onika, it ain't gon' happen."

"I'm trying to tell you that her other medicine isn't working for her. Baby it isn't helping her, lithium helps you. I've seen what lithium does to my patients firsthand. I think she'll be fine."

"How old are your patients Nic? SHE'S 4!"

"Stop yelling at me, I'm just trying to help our daughter. Speaking of-"

"You better not ask me if I took my fucking medicine. This is not what that conversation is about."

"I'm gonna go downstairs until you calm down baby. It seems as though we cannot have a civil conversation right now so until you get it together, until you realize that you can talk to me like a human being, I'll be downstairs."

"Man what the fuck ever."

I smiled and went downstairs. I knew this routine all too well. She doesn't take her medicine, she gets all riled up, an hour goes by and she realizes that maybe she's in the wrong, she takes her medicine, and she comes down to apologize once its taken affect.

I'm grown, period and I won't go back and forth with Beyoncé about the mental and emotional health of our daughter. I'm a fucking doctor for Christ's sake and I know her experience with lithium but London is not Beyoncé. London knows her medicine isn't working and London knows that her actions aren't right, she just can't control them.

So yes, she needs medicine, lithium specifically.

I sat downstairs watching TV until I heard her footsteps. I chuckled when she came into the living room and laid her head in my lap like a puppy.

"I apologize."

"For?"

"Yelling at you and not acting grown." She sighed.

"I forgive you."

"Baby does she really need to go on lithium?"

"Yes she does, you take it right now, don't you?"

"Yes bu-"

"And you're able to control your actions correct?"

"Yes bu-"

"London knows that half of the shit she does is not okay. She knows she's different baby, she is not stupid. She may be 4 but she has your mind Bey."

"I gotta tell you something baby." She sighed.

"What happened?"

"Remember when me and Lauren went shopping the other day? Well we were in the YSL store and Imari came in there talking shit. She-"

"She was running her mouth about me wasn't she?"

"She tried to."

"Okay so why you telling me?" I asked her. I was actually pretty pissed off about it but technically nothing happened from what she was telling me.

Imari was fucking ridiculous and I didn't condone Beyoncé's lifestyle before but she should've killed the bitch when she had the chance. The day that bitch came to my school trying to get to Beyoncé, Beyoncé should've shot her right between the eyes but nooo.

I wondered why that was...

"Because I don't want you to hear it from somebody else. I don't want something down the line to happen and you think something happened because you didn't hear it from me." She explained.

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