Remember Me | A Steve Randle Fanfiction

Chapter 24 | Persistent

🌻Juliana's POV🌻

I had been looking at Steve as I zoned out thinking out him. He looked over and smirked.
"You like the view?" His voice had snapped me out of my daze, and I playfully punched him in the shoulder.
"Shut up." I said. He just rubbed my hand with his thumb, not egging it on. My mind focused back on the thoughts I was having about life. I looked out the window, once again silent, my thoughts flooding my head, making me unaware of my surroundings. I started thinking about death, and the possible afterlife. What even was the afterlife? Did it even exist? What if when we die, we just see nothing. We become nothing. What if all it would look like after we die is just the dark depths of nonexistence. Or maybe, after we die, we're born once again as someone else, with no recollection of our past life. Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell? What if those places are just figments of our imagination, and when we die, we end up not going anywhere? No ghosts, no afterlife, just termination. I started to get a little scared of my own thoughts. Scared of death, scared of growing up. I absentmindedly gripped Steve's hand, and I was shaking. I didn't even know what I was doing. I was lost in my thoughts, dazed in my fear. Steve tapped me a couple times, not letting go. I didn't snap out of it, though. It was like my conscience pulled me into a state of hypnoses, controlling me, holding me back, keeping me from reality. Steve had pulled over after a minute of supposedly calling my name. He let go of my hand, and gently turned my face. I was out of it. Unresponsive but awake, nothing moving except for my body trembling. He started to freak out a little, and started yelling for me to snap out of it. He thought something was seriously wrong with me. Something was wrong with me. I was overthinking, I was scared, I was trapped in my own mind. It seemed like the only thing that could snap me out of it was pain of some sort. I knew Steve really didn't want to hit me. But he felt like he needed to. He was still for a second before slapping me across the face, not very hard, but enough for it to sting a little, and to snap me out of it. I looked around me for a second, and Steve immediately felt bad.
"Oh my God, Juliana, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I was just trying to-"
"Babe, babe, it's okay." I assured him, interrupting him. "You got me out of my daze. It was the only thing you could do. I'm not upset. I'm glad you did that."
"I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry, I love you so much-"
"Steve! It's okay! I love you too, don't worry. Just calm down, okay?" I put my hands at the bottom of his neck, and looked at him with a soft smile on my face. He wrapped his arms around me, and gazed into my eyes.
"You're the best girlfriend I could ever ask for." he said. I caressed his face with my thumbs, blushing a little.
"And you're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. You're so perfect." He smiled wider than I had ever seen him smile. I let go of his face, and ruffled his hair. He had brushed it out earlier, so it messed it up.
"Heeeey! Soda helped me keep in shape. It took so loong." he whined. He sure whined a lot, but hey, who was I to speak? I did the same. I just giggled, and flattened it out. He pulled back onto the road, and continued the drive. "So, what was that little episode about?" he decided to ask.
"I was just thinking about a lot."
"Like?" He wanted me to be more specific. I didn't want to tell him, just because I didn't want to scare him more, but I knew he'd just keep asking until I gave in, so I didn't bother trying to keep it from him.
"Death. Life. The usual." I said, trying to keep a casual tone in my voice.
"I mean, considering you've never zoned out like that, it's definitely not the usual. What were you thinking about, more specifically, that scared you?"
"The idea of growing up." I then told him everything that had been on my mind. Everything about the possible afterlife, and if it even existed. "I'm scared to get older. I'm scared to die. Just, being nothing for the rest of eternity, not getting to see where my future kids end up in life, not getting to see anyone again. It's a petrifying thought." I finished with. Steve looked shocked.
"Shit, Juliana. When'd you get so....dark?" he asked.
"Since Evie almost killed me. Kidnapping and assault for 9-10 days straight does something to you. Little heads up, if or when we, y'know, do it, we can't get very kinky." I hated the way I worded it, but I had to speak Steve.
"Aww, but I like very kinky." I gave him a bit of a look, and he smirked. "I'm kidding, babe. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do." Those words made me smile. Nobody, except maybe Peter once or twice, had ever said that. The gang, well, they never got on the topic of making me do things. They would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go with them somewhere, or bake with them or something, but that would really be the end of that conversation. My abusive ex, he made me do a lot of things I didn't want to. Some sexual, some not. Hearing those words come out of Steve's mouth just made my entire day. When I was still being held captive, I started having suicidal thoughts as I lost hope. But, now that I was back with Steve, and I was guaranteed a happy, safe, free life with him, I started to be more persistent. He was my hope.