WARNING !!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A NO NO WORD (ass)
a/n: uh sorry i haven't updated anyways i wrote tthis during art class at my catholic school xx (im not british i just use xx ironicaly)
It was a normal day in the loud neighborhood where Jesus lived. Babies were crying, lawns were being mowed badly, birds were screeching. That was how Jesus liked it. It always put him in a good mood to awaken to a child screaming for their food-smudged tablet in a bulky case.
Jesus stretched. He yawned as he rolled out of bed onto the floor. Normally he landed on his butt, and it was painful. Jesus was into that. But today, his fall was cushioned by something.
Jesus looked down to see that his ass had inflated overnight.
All the birds in the neighborhood died from the unhumanly screech jesus let out.
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Y/n's phone began to ring with a video call request from Jesus. Y/n answered it to be greeted by jesus, except jesus now had the phattest, most volumnious dumptruck ass.
The birds in y/n's neighborhood died from the unhumanly screech y/n let out.
"JESUS!!! WHAT THE FRICK????? WHY ARE YOU SO THICC????" Y/n yelled into their phone.
Jesus let out a sob "I-I don't know y/n!!!! I woke up like this!"
"Hmmmm." you said. "Maybe Satan cursed you?"
"THAT'S IT!!!!" Jesus yelled. "THAT LITTLE INSECT IS GOING TO PAY!!!" Jesus took a deep breath. "Ok Y/n, I'll pick you up in five. We're going to hell to have a little chat with satan."
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Y/n waited outside their treehouse for Jesus to show up. Finally, Jesus pulled up on his luxury flying magical fetus. "Hop in y/n!" You hop in and jesus begins the long drive to hell.
until you get pulled over.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" The cop yells. "Show me your liscence!"
Jesus sighs and shows the cop his lisence.
"Jesus, you are under arrest for exceeding the legally allowed amount of thiccness!" The cop says, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. Jesus waggles his eyebrows. "ooh handcuffs ;)"
The cop blushes "yeah sorry about that dkfsjdf" he says, somehow perfectly vocally emulating the keyboard smash.
Jesus look at you. "Should i comply?"
You nod. "Yes, maybe we we can... y'know... play minecraft with the cop 0-0"
Jesus smiles wickedly "Thats an epic idea y/n."
Jesus puts his hands behind his back and says to the cop."Handcuff me baby ;)"
The cop does so, and Jesus is brought into the station.
Later on the news
MAN ARRESTED FOR BEING TOO THICC, AND ESCAPES PRISON. IS NOW ON THE RUN WITH AN ACCOMPLICE.
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Jesus x reader (wholesome?)
Fanfiction(Wholesome?) stories of y/n and their bff, jesus most no-no words are censored Including but not limited to: - Jesus paints your nails -Jesus sleepover! - Jesus gets cyberbullied -Jesus says a bad word :o -Jesus goes to the hype house -Jesus self...
