Ugly : clifford a.u

Spencer

My heart hammering dropping down to my stomach I sank down to the ground, sitting down on the cold cement porch and burying my face in my hands.

It made sense.

Luke and Eileen had been friends since preschool. I don’t think they’d ever officially announced that they were an item but everyone just sort of assumed. I remembered that day, her coming over like usual, joining Luke and Calum on the couch, watching the Indiana Jones movies.

They’d gotten bored after a while and the idea of attending a party had been debated. Eileen was strongly against the idea, however gave in.

They left after that.

When there was a phone call at two in the morning I thought it was Luke calling our Mom for a ride, but it wasn’t. It was the hospital saying there’d been an accident.

I knew the other driver had been killed but I’d always convinced myself it was her fault. That she’d ran a red, or been drunk, or was speeding. It hurt knowing that it was my brother’s fault.

“Spencer?” Michael questioned softly.

“I am so sorry.” I replied, my voice muffled by my hands, “You must hate me.”

“No.” he said quickly, “No I don’t. Not at all don’t think that.”

“Michael my brother killed your sister! You should hate me!”

“Maybe that’s so. I mean, my eyes should work, and that dog never should have hurt you, and every human being everywhere should be treated with compassion and equality but guess what? That’s not realistic. Things don’t happen just because they should.”

Fumbling around for a moment he sat down beside me.

“I love you Spencer Hemmings.” He said quietly, “I care more for you then I knew was possible to care for another, none related human being. You make me happy, so happy, but I also am so enamored with you that I just sort of want to cry. It’s not what I thought it was, love. It’s not cute or sweet, it’s maddening and I feel moderately insane seeing as you are on my mind every waking moment of my existence. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Surprised, I looked between him and Lola before taking a tiny scoot closer to him and resting my head on his shoulder. I felt him tense slightly at first, startled by the gesture, however he soon relaxed draping an arm around me.

“I love you.” I informed him, “And I know I probably sound like a stereotypically cliché bubble headed teenager in love with the idea of love. But I’ve never felt more normal then I do when I’m with you Michael.”

“You are normal.” Michael answered.

“I-I’m not.” I mumbled, “Do you know what I would give to…to be normal.To go to school, to have friends to look like everyone else, to be like everyone else."

 “What is normality?”  sighed, “Who’s to say we’re not the normal ones and everyone else is simply off. I  mean being a cookie cutter clone, that’s not normal. We’re not meant to be copies of copies. If we were all supposed to be named Jessica, smell like cheap perfume and be cheer captains, I prefer being societies definition of abnormal.”

“I guess.” I mumbled, “And for the record, you have half of the girls in this town down to a fine science.”

“Pretty impressive for a blind guy.”

Smirking, I lifted my head and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“Spence?” Michael questioned.

“Yeah?” I replied.

“What are we?”

“Humans.”

“Thank you Captain obvious, I had no idea.”

“You asked.

“Let me rephrase myself then. What are you and I. The two of us. Are we friends, because I don’t think you’re supposed to harbor the feelings I feel for you about a friend. Are we dating. Am I your boyfriend and you my girlfriend? Are we an item.”

Glancing out across the yard I stayed silent for a moment, thinking.

“We’re us.” I said finally, “We’re Spencer and Michael.”

“But are you my Spencer and I your Michael?”

“You’re very keen on labels.”

Smirking, he shrugged.

“Yeah.” I sighed, “You’re my Michael”