Ms. Sencen?

We All Fall Down

...yeah, that took a while

anyways i'm back now i guess? i'll try to have a more concrete update schedule from now on, and hopefully updates will be every other week? i'll try not disappear like that again. i'm really sorry if i scared you guys.

~anna

Sophie:

After what seems like hours of crying (but in reality has probably only been a few minutes), I realize that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's not like Keefe's really the one to blame in this situation, in reality, it's me who fell for a lie (which, in hindsight, seems really obvious). So really, it's not his fault at all. It's mine.

I mean, it's not like Keefe has ever shown even a hint of really liking me. I mean, he's made some jokes. Said a few things. But it's not like that really means something. It's just who Keefe is. He'd flirt with Vertina if he got the chance, and she's a mirror.

And that thought shouldn't make me as jealous as it does. I'm like a schoolgirl with her first crush. This is embarrassing. I can totally think about Keefe and some other girl without white-hot jealousy overtaking everything else.

Okay, so that was a lie. We're better than this, I discuss with my heart, and my heart says no. Everything is fine. Another lie. This is stupid. I should be facing my problems, not hiding from them.

And anyways, what am I doing to help this situation if I'm crying all alone in the middle of nowhere? Crying won't get me anywhere. It'll only make me feel more sorry for myself, which kind of contradicts my first course of action.

So I pick myself up off the ground, wipe my hands on my tunic, and plant my feet. I'm not going to sit and cry by myself for the next century, no matter how much I'd like to. Even if that seems like an increasingly favorable option. Especially if it seems like it.

Besides, Keefe's probably looking for me, and I know Keefe. He couldn't find his way out of a paper bag - there's no way that he'll find me out here in the middle of nowhere. I don't even recognize where I am, but I had to have gotten here somehow, haven't I?

I close my eyes, letting the wind wash over me. The night air is peaceful here, grounding. I feel calmer than I have in months, and I've just had the biggest breakdown of my life. Maybe I was just bottling my emotions up until they exploded right in my face. That sounds in line for me - maybe I should stop being so hard on myself for once.

And so, for the first time, I throw caution to the wind. It is what it is. I should have accepted it a long time ago - it's not me who's in control.

I step back and let fate take the reins. My destiny is not my own. My future is up for the taking. And I am so tired of pretending otherwise. So I let go.

I let myself fall, and I welcome the oblivion.

Keefe:

I don't know where Sophie is. I don't know where Sophie is, and that shouldn't be as big of a problem as it is.

I mean, Sophie's her own person. She can go wherever she wants. And it's not like she hasn't disappeared before.

And yet.

I know that I shouldn't be worried about her. She's upset, yes, and she's angry. But she can take care of herself. (Can she really? She has absolutely no sense of self-preservation.) Besides, she's got all these fancy abilities. (But somehow, that list doesn't include "taking care of herself.") And it's not like I can find her, anyways. I haven't got a clue as to where she is.

And yet.

Does she even know what she does to me? How far I'd be willing to go if she asked? If she didn't? Does she even care that I'd walk to the ends of the Earth if it meant she'd - if it meant that she would what? Does it even matter?

I'm facing possibly the biggest disaster I've ever encountered, inside and outside of this universe, even counting the Neverseen, and I'm right here in the  middle of nowhere laughing like a madman.

Brant might have competition now for the craziest elf to ever exist. I mean, it's not every day that someone murders their fiancée, but it's also not every day that someone may have just caused the death of the Moonlark.

I am not going to be the cause of Sophie's death, because she's not going to die. (I mean. Logically, some day, she will. But not now.) And I'm going to find her, and it's going to be fine.

I mean, unless she hates me until my dying day.

Sophie won't hate me. I think.

I mean. She's really mad though, isn't she?

She won't.

She can't.

I can't.

Because I can't live with that. Sophie's become such a big part of my life that losing her would be like losing a limb. And I can't find her. I don't even know where she is. I'm such a disaster, and Sophie probably hates my guts.

And yet.

I'd still burn down the Lost Cities if she asked. I'd walk straight into the face of danger if she was there. I wouldn't hesitate for a second if she told me she needed me.

I wouldn't listen if she told me she didn't.

And that's the only answer I need, for now. To just know that, no matter what happens, I'll be there by Sophie's side. Even if she hates me. Even if she chooses someone else. Even if anything.

Because it doesn't matter. It really doesn't. I've left Sophie's side once, and I'm never doing it again. Because it hurts too much. Because it hurt her. And the most important thing is Sophie. It's always been like that.

And right now, she needs me. And I need her. And one of us has to take the first step.

So I close my eyes.

And I step into the light.

OK I TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS GOING TO SUCK SO YOU CAN'T BLAME ME

really though, i just wanted to get something out there so i'm sorry if it's really bad and if it gets us nowhere because i know i really want to see them meet

anyways, if any of you would like to volunteer to be my vent-buddy where i rant about my writers block for this fic and run plot points past you, or just anyone in the comments who would like to help with writers block, i'd really appreciate the help!

thank you so much for reading, you're all the best :)))

~anna.

WORD COUNT: 1190