The secrets I keep

Thoughts

TW: suicidal thoughts, Wayne

*No ones POV*

The guys look at one another with puzzled glimpses as they retreat to their rooms. Brian angrily falls backwards onto the bed and scrunches his hands onto his eyes, trying to figure out what Wayne has done to his best friend. Nogla stands idly by, questioning himself mentally on what to say to Brian since he is hard to calm down when pissed off, especially when it involves someone who he considers family.

"What the fuck are we gonna do?" Brian dolefully sits up, resting his arms on his knees and looks at Nogla who is deep in thought. "Wayne's got him wrapped around his finger and Evan is convinced that hes a good person when he clearly isn't!" He groans, throwing an intrusive stare at his room-buddy.

"Bri, I dont know... We could try talking to him again?" David examines the other Irish mans behaviour as he heads for the door "What are you doing? We cant barge in, especially when Wayne's there."

Nogla is cut off with the door closing in his face, he shakes his head and takes a seat on the end of his bed, fidgeting with his hands as he eyes his surroundings - taking in every little detail to see if anything suspicious or alarming.

"Evan what has gotten into you.." He joylessly mumbles.

*Jon*

"Jon stop pacing, you need to breathe-"

"Well what the fuck can I do, Luke?!" I complain, swinging my arms up above me making my friend move back in shock at my outburst.

"I know this is a bad situation, I'm upset too but we need to think rationally." He stands up and walks over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and sitting me down on a desk chair while he takes a seat on the bed beside me. "You saw how Wayne almost knocked Brock out because he went with his emotions and didnt think. You saw how Evan reacted when Brian confronted him right afterwards..." He looks at the door "If we want to help him we need to do it bit by bit and not bombard him with questions."

Just as I go to speak, our door swings open and Brian enters, his hands in fists as he looks right at me. "Did you fucking see how Evan reacted? He would never be like that.." He proceeds to lean on the wall opposite me and Luke, crossing his arms and furrowing his brows. "Hes changed and I can bet everything it is that stuck up ass-wipe who he calls his boyfriend."

Luke and I gander at him and I go to reply "We need to try and get Evan away from him then convince him that Wayne isn't who he says he is. Didnt you hear him say to Ev that 'I told you they're no good for us' what if hes been telling him that were not trustworthy and that resulted in him getting hostile with you?"

"Shit why didnt I think of that?" The irish adult ponders, staring at the floor. "We need to prove to Evan that were his family - not Wayne,"

Luke and I nod in agreement, Brian begins walking to the door, "Where are you going?" Luke stands up and puts his hands in his hoodie pockets, I look between them and wait for an answer.

"Im going downstairs to talk to Evan and Wayne."

*Evan*

Wayne and I are on the sofa, he has his arm around my shoulder as he is hypnotised by whatever's playing on the tv. Its becoming dark outside and I cant help but watch the snow fall carelessly outside. Imagine how peaceful it must be, I smile softy to myself.

Oh to be a snowflake, you look so lovely and eventually melt into nothing and you never come back - just a show for a while and then you disappear.

What the fuck am I thinking, I dont want to die?

...Do I?

I sigh as I lean my head on Waynes shoulder, the thought of what happened between Brock and him play on repeat like a broken record player. Why was he so upset? Did Waybe do something to them?

The face Brian made when I snapped at him will haunt my mind for the rest of my life..

Jon looked so hurt when I said Wayne loved me, but why though?..

Why do they think Wayne is a bad person? Hes done nothing to me but I always embarrass him or hurt his feelings. If anything im the horrible one. Hes too good for me, but the threat he made last night makes my skin crawl.

'I will do to you what I did to her'

Surely it was a mix up of words! He isnt capable of murder, especially to his own fiance..

"Hey guys," A voice to my left can be heard as Wayne and I look over to see Brian and Jon.

Wayne just nods as they sit down and I avoid eye contact with them because I know I will probably tear up in regret at what I said earlier.

"Its getting late, are you not going to get your things from the hotel?" Wayne interrogators the two. "Evan and I will be alright here by ourselves, wont we?" He pats my shoulder as I numbly nod, still avoiding and communication with the guys I call my friends.

"Oh yeah dont worry about that, the others are getting them in a bit - Jon and I just wanted to see how you were doing after what happened with Brock earlier," I can see Brian move in the corner of my eye as he presumably leans back into the pillows "We deeply apologise for the way he acted,  if theres anything we can do to make it up then let us know."

Wayne pushes me off his shoulder and looks at me with a smile, "Evy, do you mind getting me and the guys a drink?" He gestures to the others who stare at me with confused and subtly concerned faces.

I ignore the signals they were sending me and get up, showing no reaction as I turn away and make my way to the kitchen as they continue to talk.

I get to my destination and look in the reflection of the fridge, man I look dead inside..

Ignoring the thoughts that insult my appearance, I open the fridge and grab 3 cold beers, Wayne doesnt like the idea of me drinking so he counts the bottles he has to make sure I haven't taken any. There was a few times that his mistakingly counted 1 or more less then there actually were and that resulted in a beating, but I let him do it to relieve any stress or anger he may have gotten from work.

However I know he loves me, he just shows it in strange ways.

Looking to my right, I can see my anxiety pills... I didnt take any earlier.

I wonder how many itd take to kill yourself.

What?

Youre slipping and this could be a way out.

What the fuck?!

I shake my head and glance at the pills one more time before turning on my heels and walking back to the guys.

Why am I thinking like this?