𝓓𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽

𝓘𝓶𝓹𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓽

trigger warning: sexual abuse.
I post this here since this is my only active fanfic with many reads.
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I'm here to tell my story. I don't want any of you to go through what I went through.

I'll start. I'm 15 years old and I'm mexican. I had a group of friends, all male, one year older than me, so they were sixteen.

One of them was specially important for me. He started liking me and I started liking him, but my romantic feeling went away in a few days. He still felt something for me, but i ignored it.

He hadn't given his first kiss, he asked me if it could be, and I accepted since it was only a kiss. It happened, and it was okay. After that kissed we acted like it didn't happen. A few days later I invited him to my house, where we kissed again and went a bit more far.

We did that just another time. After I didn't want anything regarding sexually. I just wanted to be chill. The next time we saw each other it was in another friend's house. I didn't want to do anything, and I didnt know how to say no, so I told him I was on my period. He asked me if I could touch him, I didn't have any other choice because I wasn't strong enough to say no.

The next time we saw each other I got far away from him. I stick to my gay friend, since I didn't want to be close to someone that could be sexually attracted to be.

After that day, I was called by one of my friends. He told me that the boy had felt really bad cause i didn't even hugged him or whatever. I told him I didn't want anything sexual and that I wasn't comfortable with him. He pressured me to talk to him and explain myself.

I talked to him. I didn't really thought about it on that moment, but he had been manipulating me from some time. I had asked for time a few months after when i stopped liking him, and he said he wanted to hurt himself.

After that, My friends came to my house. He came because I didn't want him to feel left out. Some days before he told me that he wanted to have sexual contact with him. (not having sex, dw) I only said yes because I didn't know what to say. I kind of went with the game, so he just turned more horny.

The day came and my friend's arrived to my house. I was comfortable, but every time he came close to me i got tense. We where all together in my room, and he turned to look at me. I told him we should go to the bathroom. I know I was the one to tell him to come, but I felt like it was a most do, since the last time i hadn't give him anything.

We entered and he started kissing me. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want him to be in my house. I just didn't want him close. But I didn't say anything, and things went far. We didn't have sex, but he touched me. I didn't like it, I didn't want it, but i couldn't say no, i felt like it was my responsibility.

He came, and touched the liquid, he was about to touch me again, but I told him to wait. He looked at me, and just touched me again ignoring me. I didn't know what to do. I was petrified.

I told him to stop when I noticed what was happening. I told him to stop three times and he did. I remind calm since I didn't want him to feel guilty, but that absolutly ruined my day.

After they left my house, I felt extremely bad emotionally. I was disgusted of myself and I didn't know what to do. I started crying, I was feeling dirty and thought it was my fault. I also was shocked, a few weeks after there was another boy who commented about my body and what he wanted to do with me, so everything came down on me, and l couldn't control my self as i couldn't stop crying.

I called my gay friend in desperation, I though he might had me got pregnant and I was scared. He helped me calm down, he told me it wasn't my fault. He also told me that I should talk to my sister, that she could help me better than him.

I went to my sister and told her everything. She told me it wasn't my fault, and she knew I was scared. She calmed me down and I went back to my room. I cried for the rest of the night in guilt and disgust of myself.

The next day I told him I needed time, I didn't explain anything, I just wanted him far away. I went to bought the next day peel and took it. That day I went to my other house. Arriving, we went to have lunch with my parent's friends, and one of my friends told me that he was extremely sad, that he had cried all day. I had the responsibility to call him, so I did.

I told him he didn't do anything, and it wasn't his fault. I told him it was okay and that nothing happened, but inside the guilt and disgust was killing me.

That week my friends stopped talking to me except for two. I asked the other friend if he was okay. He was angry at me, he blamed me for everything. The boy who abused me had cut himself because of me. I felt even more guilty.

My friend group stopped talking completely. I only had contact with my gay friend, and he was helping me out.

Three weeks passed, and this week came. I'm still disgusted, I still feel guilty, I can't even think about it.

I told him to stop, he didn't.
He manipulated me.
He touched me when I didn't want to.

I'm 15, and I was sexually abused by a friend.

guys, it isn't your fault, it's never the victim's fault. I believe you.