Over Again (Niall Horan Fanfiction)

I chose her

Tom Odell- Another Love, Shawn Mendes-Wonder

Serena's name spreads across his screen as my heart cools down. I'm not surprised or confused. I knew damn right that he will keep her in his life and I'm not the one to change that. I find myself calmer, I know that feeling when someone leaves a mark on your heart, it's not easy to erase that.

I bow down and pick up the phone from the table. I know that he isn't sure about anything right now but I know that he needs to hear from her, needs to know that she's alright.

I hand him the phone. His face is calm as well, maybe confused but mine calms it down. I'm not the one to pressure him. Even if maybe, in some way there are some feelings between us, we are not ready to let them out.

'I'll be outside.' He takes the phone in his hands but his eyes still look as if he wants to say something as if he wants to complete what he started but we both know damn well that to start something, you need a conclusion. I slide open the door as the sound from the rain gets louder, making me calmer. The patio almost serves as a soon room. I look up, the rain collides with the glass vigorously, producing the melodies soothing me inside. It's messy, loud, but still, nothing can stop it.

I often found myself in that kind of situations. Ready to feel, ready to let it get ahold of me but in the next second I'm okay with nothing. I close up so fast, it's not a skill! It's actually quite annoying. I almost got trained that way! I know that things hurt you real quick, even when you don't expect them to so when I see the first sign I close up. Her name on that screen was enough for me.

I understand the void in his life, I don't know their situation but by his expressions whenever she comes around, he still doesn't understand what happened or what is supposed to happen.

Sometimes recalling past feelings only makes us rethink everything. Makes us come up with strategies that would have been better, the things that we could have said or could have done differently. Whenever there is still that rethinking, overanalyzing, it's not over. We need our conclusions, we need to know that nothing more could have happened! We need that assurance that even if we were nicer to them, they would still be the same. But without it, we just keep on rethinking everything in our head, trying to understand why they were so awful toward us. We found mistakes in our behaviour, starting to realize that not even our part was perfect, but what for? 5 years later and realizing that just now can't help you change a single fucking thing. It's easy to say that now, but I know that without a conclusion, no one could really continue! Continue purely, without any doubts, ready to love unconditionally.

I can't get Chuck's face out of my head after I said to him those things I always wanted to but never dared to do so. Maybe I never believed in them myself, but I was always aware of it. I knew he didn't love me as he claimed to but until you get hurt way too many times, courage doesn't come quick enough to prevent any more damage. Courage comes at the end when all the damage has already been done and there is nothing else to say but the truth. Saying those things to him only made me free, made my chest lighter even if I never knew he was still holding me back.

That's why I understand Niall. I know how feelings don't seem easy but eventually, even if it might take you 5 years, everyone will get it. It takes patience!

The doors slide open. I keep on looking at the rain bouncing off the chair that sits far from the patio, too close to the edge. I can smell the wet grass, the tension in the clouds as it pours even harder. I almost find peace in the madness of the weather. It suits me. Representing my inside when my outside looks perfectly peaceful.

He walks to me, stopping by my side, with his phone still in hand. I want to help him, make him know that it will pass eventually, everything does!