Over Again (Niall Horan Fanfiction)

Lights in the sky

Declan J Donovan-Numb, Naughty Boy ft. Beyonce -Runnin'(Lose it all), Kate Vogel- Reasons to stay, Slander-Love is gone, Yoon Mi Rae-The Sky of Youth

'Let her read it.' I stare at the notebook placed on my lap. I remember buying it at the shop near the hospital. I wanted a simple one that I could carry with me to write when it got too much in my head.

I stand up carefully holding the pastel yellow coloured notebook in my hands. This book represents everything that ever caused me pain, every thought that made me colder, every word that made me distant. That's why I've had Elena keep it. I knew that no one should get ahold of it, knowing all of me.

'I'm not going to apologize.' I look at her as my hand reaches for the door handle. 'You could have made me do it sooner. You knew what it would lead me to but you still decided to let me do all that shit.' I feel anger building up again, but who am I to be angry at her?

'Even if you don't understand my actions now or even yours, they will make sense one day.' I hate her calming voice! I grip onto the handle and just try calming down.

'Whatever!' I smash the doors behind me and let myself breathe once I'm out of that room. She did so much for me but at the same time, I wish she pushed me to do better.

I shake those thoughts out of my mind and make my way to Jenny's place.

As I get out of the cab, a familiar person caught my eye. I quickly pay the driver and make my way over the street to get to Jenny's place. Fuck! What do I do? I stand still, looking at her putting some stuff into a car. When did she get a car? Maybe it's Loui's?

I thought I could forget everything and just talk to her, beg for her forgiveness but I'm not sure anymore. I can feel the notebook gliding down my fingers as my palms start to sweat. I put the book under my elbow, pressing it to my body so that I can wipe off the sweaty hands. Stop being a pussy! I close my eyes, trying to calm myself.

'Hana, dul, ses! I count for myself, letting courage into my chest. Out of everything that shitbag Chuck taught me, counting before taking serious steps was the only smart one. I feel more relaxed as my eyes burst open and my legs start moving. I can hear my heartbeat, it's loud, almost too loud.

'NO!' Shit! I stop. Every trace of courage left my body as soon as her eyes looked in my direction. I can feel the notebook falling to the ground as my whole body goes numb. What do I do? She starts walking to me! Is she... smiling?

'Sorry, I forgot!' What the fuck?! I turn around quickly following the sound behind me. You got to be fucking kidding me! Even if I was scared and still am, anger came just around the fucking corner! I knew her mother would be here soon, but not this soon!

'El?' O shit! I freeze once more. Hearing Jenny's voice calling my name made me sane again. It made me realize that in this fucked up situation, I'm the one who fucked up!

I hesitate for a second but soon enough, as my body shifts back around, her eyes meet mine. I know how it feels. Eyes burning in flames, just before tears fill the space, making a waterfall down your face.

'We have to talk.' I say quietly, just enough for her to hear me. I see her biting her lower lip to stop herself from crying. Don't restrain yourself! I want her to let it all out, to hate me if she has to!

'Get the fuck away!' She barks at me, her face changed out of anger in a second. I see the frustration behind her eyes. I got startled for a second by her words that came to me as a surprise. We told each other to fuck off multiple times, but this wasn't one of those times! She thinks I'm the one who turned their back at her, she thinks I'm the one to lie, to manipulate.