Total eclipse of a heart (Embry Call)

33. One is love, two is anger

"We were just talking." My mouth moves faster than my brain, the excuse coming out leveled and way too easily. I supposed lies are my second nature, the other side of the huntress coin, made by years of training.

Truth will get you killed, but lies will open doors.

Or so my father always claimed. 

Lying is a hunter's best attribute, the kind that we're taught from the moment we learn to talk. Perhaps that's why I'm so quick to lie to my soulmate instead of owning up to the truths I fear. Perhaps I'm not ready to admit these truths to myself either. Whoever said truth sets you free is a complete idiot, because for me, the truth could only hold me captive - to Alec's anger, Jacob's pain and eventually Embry's hate.

"Thought we agreed you'd talk when I was close enough to stop him from losing his temper." Embry voiced his opinion, reminding me of the deal we made and while k wanted to, I couldn't keep quiet.

"You're why he loses his temper, Embry. He can't help how he feels just like you can't help who you imprinted on and I won't apologize for being independent and capable of making my own choices." Defensiveness is probably not the best idea when arguing with a shapeshifter with temper issues but Embry knows I'm not one to stand still and look pretty and that my mind works overtime and my mouth follows. Or so I hope. We didn't exactly do this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing traditionally. I'm not sure if we can even be called that since we never use anything but imprint labels.

"You're the one that played with his heart, not me." Embry retorted and I take a step back with my eyes widened and heart beating faster, irregularly, just as he makes it work most times but that's usually a sign of love, but this is the sign of hurt. His words hurt me and not because they're lies, but because it's the truth and it's coming from him.

"I can still smell him on you." Embry growled out, his eyes narrowed at me in disgust and his lips set in a firm line. Jaw clenched, fists formed, Embry turned away from me with a shake of his head. And I feel myself beginning to shake. Having two important conversations in a span of few minutes isn't easy, especially not when you're the one that's wrong.

"What are we doing, Val?" Sitting on the porch, Embry sighs as he bows his head down and I frown.

"What do you mean?" Confused, I close the distance between us and take a seat beside him, my hand on his shoulder gingerly moving to the back of his neck, but he scoots aside and I take the hint, placing my hand back in my lap.

"I mean, who are we trying to kid? You are into Jacob and he's into you and you have all these secrets and I don't know if you're with me because you want to be or because the bond is plaguing you when you're away. It's exhausting trying to figure you out."

Swallowing thickly, I look ahead and resist blinking so the tears wouldn't fall. What have I become? An emotionless, numb huntress in duress over the words two wolves have spoken to her? I know I'm complicated but to the point where even the wolf that's supposed to love me unconditionally is sick of me? That makes me feel worthless.

"If it's that exhausting, stop. If I'm such a burden, walk away. I'm not going to force you to stay and I sure as hell don't intend on changing my entire personality or oversharing just so you'd feel secure. I thought you knew how I felt about you because that was extremely hard for me to say, but I guess I'm wrong. You obviously don't feel strongly enough about me."

"I do. I feel strongly! Too strongly! One is love and two is anger and it's all consuming, but I can't trust you with my heart while you're lying to me, hiding things, sneaking around with Jacob, claiming you're friends but his scent clinging to you isn't supporting those claims!"

Standing up, I set myself on a short walk toward the garage, knowing Jacob keeps a motorcycle in there and I needed to feel the adrenaline mixed with wind in my hair.

Embry didn't follow me. Didn't say a thing despite what I hoped. Even with my soul laid bare, Embry couldn't truly love me. Even if he said he did. Some people are closed books, some stories aren't easy to tell and trigger memories and emotions best left buried. Almost all my memories fit that description.

The Cullens are my next stop. After all, the war is nearing and Alec will come with the rest of his clan. And I plan on being on the field. I always knew I'd die in a violent way, so let it be for something I believe in, for people that showed me not every monster does monstrous things. People are more than what their genetic makeup makes them.

"I knew you'd come." Edward greets me at the door, first one there to lead me to the backyard where the vampires are practicing.

"Really? Are you Alice now?" I raise an eyebrow, challenging his annoying smirk that grew more as he read my mind.

"No, but your thoughts are loud. And I have  good hearing." He notes and I nod, grateful he's not addressing what those thoughts are comprised of. But I wish Jasper was here to quell the pain they cause me. Maybe that's why I came too? Hoping his memory would help me feel centered and at peace, but it doesn't happen, especially not when I find Jacob and almost the entire pack there, practicing as well.

"Settle in and grab a crossbow. Or don't. " Edward shrugs, walking back to a woman that's sparkling electricity like she's a thunderstorm and he's her target. Seconds later Edward ended on the ground with Bella mumbling apologies and I lean my head back, closing my eyes. Perhaps it did work, the peace came eventually I just had to be patient.

But when my mind drifts and the darkness takes over, the peace is gone for his voice haunts me.

"Soon, little huntress. Soon."