Total eclipse of a heart (Embry Call)

34. Flawed

If there's anything in the world capable of making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy, it would be a home filled with vampires. Adapting the first time during Bella's pregnancy wasn't easy, but knowing the Cullens aren't hunting humans made it easier and Jasper helped as well. For some odd reason, I found kindness in Jasper that made it easy to trust him and being here, in this house filled with red eyes and dark hearts had only made me miss him more.

"You look like crap." Jacob noted, keeping a safe distance from me, likely to avoid aggravating Embry.

"Thanks. That's exactly what a girl wants to hear." I muss, rolling my eyes at him before looking over my shoulder at the vampires who didn't hide their curiosity.

"You're not like every girl." He reminds me and I snort, shaking my head.

"But it would be so much easier if I was." Crossing my arms over my chest, I sigh and drop my gaze to the ground. It's hard not to think back to the fight...break up with Embry. His words tore into me, broke me.

I'm fully aware how difficult I can be, but I thought he would be more trusting, more patient with me after all we've been through. And he was, for a long time and I should have tried being more open with him, I know that! But when all your faults are thrown in your face, you can't quite ignore the sense of betrayal though irrational. Perhaps it's odd to feel betrayed, but feeling betrayed by his lack of faith in me is inadmissible.

I never questioned him or his motives, so it's not easy to see him do it to me.

"Val, what's going on?" Jacob steps closer, worry etched in every line of his beautiful face, his usual smile gone. He reaches for my hand only to pause, pondering if it would be appropriate or not, if it would cause me trouble or not. Reluctantly, he lets his hand fall back at his side, his eyes screaming for answers I kept hidden inside.

"I've been told I'm too difficult to deal with. Safe to say I won't be going to La Push for a while." I quip, using a small smile to cover up the hurt, something I'm sure he picked up on because when he reaches for me this time around, his hand falls on top of mine and his fingers quickly intertwine with mine.

"He's wrong. He probably didn't even mean it. Valerie, he loves you and while I'm probably working against my best interests, he just needs you to reassure him and tell him you love him too." And that's when I see him - Embry, standing right outside the house, his eyes on Jacob's hand holding mine, shaking his head before turning away from us with disappointment and grief.

"Fuck." Pulling away, I head after him, forgetting the main rule of dating a werewolf - never approach them when they're angry.

"Embry!" Shouting in hope of stopping him, I speed up after him with my heart in my throat. And Jacob is right, I should have reassured him, diffused the situation instead of obliging and starting up an argument with a guy who took patience to another level with me. His words can't be erased and neither can mine but if he loves me, he should at least listen to me.

"Will you please stop running away?!" Screaming, I felt my throat turn raw with the intensity of my emotions and it seemed to do the trick for he stopped dead in his tracks and turned toward me.

Embry is shaking, I can tell. He's holding on by a thread, another fault he could assign me as it is a result of my friendship with Jacob. The difference between Embry and Jake is that Jacob doesn't judge me or his actions simply don't impact me as strongly as Embry's.

"That wasn't what you think it is. He was just giving me a pep talk because I feel like shit for losing a guy I thought was my endgame." My words are forced, my teeth chattering with the cold wind licking at my skin, reminding me I'm not a supernatural creature that is immune to weather influences.

"I was coming here to say I'm wrong, to apologize and ask for forgiveness but the first thing I see is all my suspicions are true." Breathing heavily, Embry looks over my shoulder at the house, likely looking at Jacob who remained inside.

"You know they're not." I croak, my teeth chattering and my body shivering uncontrollably. His eyes soften at my state, lips parting instead of pressing together in contempt.

"So you say, but every time I look for you, for us, there he is. You choose him over me every chance you have. How can I trust you feel anything for me when you can't even say I love you?" Running a hand over his face, Embry releases a shaky breath, his body still tense but his stance is less threatening.

And he is right. I managed to say I care for him but I never uttered the L word. I've never said that to anyone. In fact, I spent most my life afraid I'm incapable of love and maybe I do love Embry but I'm not ready to say it and if he thinks he can guilt me into it....it's working but I can't let it get to me.

"I've never said that to anyone and while I want you to be the first and last guy I say it to, I can't do it just because you are holding our relationship over me. You hurt me too, Em. You were my safe haven and now? I feel like I'll be berated just for being me." Lips quivering, I hold in a sob, perhaps the first one in a long row of many sobs I would later let out, the tears stinging my eyes even now.

"I don't know what to say." Embry sighed, stepping closer with lips pressed together, running a hand through his hair before stopping as if he remembered all the things we said to each other in the heat of the moment. So, instead of wrapping his arms around me and reconciling, Embry turns away and heads toward the woods.

"But you sure can run away from me. You think I'm running from my emotions?! Who is running now?!" In moments, he is gone, shifting in the woods for I saw a tail before he got lost among the trees.

"I'll go after him." Jacob startles me as he shifted too, his clothes ripping as beast replaced the man before my eyes.

"You can, but there isn't much you can do. He wants me to be the imprint he had fantasized about instead of being a flawed human being with a fucked up past. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'll never be the woman he wants me to be."

Walking away, I allowed my tears to flow, wishing for the Volturi to come and bring an end to my suffering. Little did I know Jacob shifted so he could do the one thing I couldn't - make Embry see my side of the story.