closer

new friends

Eric's words from yesterday evening, the last time he saw me near the chasm, rang through my head as I walked into the dining hall. I took a few steps forwards, looking for Christina and Tris when a tall figure immediately blocked my view.

"Al" I breathed out, not expecting him to appear in front of me.

"Hey, I wanted to apologize for earlier, you were just trying to make me feel better and I was kind of a dick" he stated, a nervous smile on his face as he stared down at me. I shook my head, taking his hand in mine to prevent him from continuing to pull at his skin out of anxiety, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It was my fault, Al, I was stressed out because of rankings and I just snapped, I'm sorry" I sighed, watching as his eyes moved from mine down to how I held his hand close to my chest.

"It's alright, let's just forget about it okay? Want to sit with us?" he asked as I let go of his hand and watched him place it down at his side.

"She's coming with me" Ezekiel interrupted, pulling me away from Al without letting me respond and dragging me over to his table. I sent him an apologetic smile before being shoved into a booth, my side hitting against Uriah as Ezekiel disappeared, muttering something about making me a plate. "Hey, girl! This is my older brother Zeke, his girlfriend Shauna, and their friend Tori. Yes, Ezekiel was his full name too but when he began initiation he changed it to Zeke. It makes it less confusing for us anyway" Uriah stated, introducing the unfamiliar faces that sat on the other side of the round table.

"Nice to meet you guys" I smiled, giving them a small wave as I looked for Ezekiel. I'd never heard of another person being named Ezekiel until now, I thought it was such a unique name. I'm glad Ezekiel didn't change his name, it suited him well. I was thinking about changing mine but a part of me didn't want to. It wasn't that I wanted to hang onto that name or any part of Amity for that matter. I wanted to be brave and be able to defend myself while still being me.

I wanted to grow as a person, not reinvent myself completely.

"It's an honor to meet the Amity who's driving three Dauntless superiors crazy, but hey, I don't blame them. You're gorgeous" Shauna stated, shoving a forkful of chocolate cake in her mouth.
I stared at her in confusion as Tori spoke up. "Must be all that sun exposure that makes you glow like that" she added, her narrowed eyes looking me up and down.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, a bit unsure of what they were talking about.

"Excuse their lack of a filter. It's just that ever since you got here, Ezekiel has been in a noticeably better mood and Four's always asking about you, making sure you're okay" Zeke explained, making me slowly nod my head.

"Well hello, let's not forget about the most interesting one of all" Uriah stated, a hint of sass in his voice which made me smile as he shoved his brother.

"Eric" Shauna stated.

"Eric?" I questioned, not understanding what she meant.

"How have you not noticed? He's always watching you, always hovering over you. This is only your second day here and it's already so noticeable that he can't stop staring at you" Shauna replied, giving me a pointed look. I furrowed my brows and in complete disbelief, I began looking around the dining hall for him.

"Up" Uriah whispered, careful not to make his actions obvious.

The second I moved my gaze upwards, my eyes locked with his. He had already been staring and seemed to not have a care in the world that I had just caught him. His eyes were narrow, he was looking for something in particular and seemed to grow more upset that he couldn't find it. There was a certain aura of curiosity in the air between us as we continued to noticeably size each other up.

"Here we are! One hamburger, fresh from the Dauntless chefs" Ezekiel said, placing a black tray down in front of me, effectively snapping me out of my trance.

Just looking at the food made me sick.

"That was sweet of you but, I can't," I said, my voice diminishing to a whisper.

"Wills, I know. I understand but believe me, you need to start eating right. This isn't Amity and you won't survive like that here. Just try to eat something" Ezekiel said, giving everyone at the table warning looks that ordered them not to comment on the topic. When I looked up, they were heavily engaged in something else.

Hesitantly, I picked up the already assembled burger and brought it to my mouth. I took a small bite, bringing the warm meat and seasoned bread between my teeth. I put the remainder of the burger back on the tray as I slowly began to chew, feeling it turn to a flavorful mush inside of my mouth, and with the help of a chilled glass of water, I swallowed it.

"See? It wasn't that bad. Just try to focus on the flavors and take small bites. No one is forcing you to do anything here, you can do it on your own time" Ezekiel said, giving me a warm smile as he gently rubbed my back and continued to comfort me.

He made me feel normal. He wasn't trying to force food down my throat as June had done before when she first found out about my distaste for food. I couldn't eat, not like I used to. When I turned sixteen, I developed an eating order called bulimia nervosa. I would eat normally and act like nothing was wrong but the second I was alone, I'd purge it all up. People began noticing how skinny I'd gotten and once my father realized what was happening, he was furious. I was no longer allowed the decency of going to the bathroom alone. Although Parker hated our father, he was concerned about my well-being and worked through the rough time with me. As the activities in my family continued, my need to purge grew less and I found myself becoming disgusted by the thought of eating in general. My portions were cut into a third of what they used to be, anything more than that made me nauseous.

Hurley was the first person I told, he noticed my sudden decline in weight and was concerned that my family had stopped supplying me with food. In a matter of three months, I had lost almost thirty pounds and it wasn't like I was heavy to begin with. He wanted to help. He snuck me supplements from Erudite as often as he could that would forcibly make me hungry but after almost four months, they were of no use to me anymore.

My body began fighting them off.

June and Ezekiel were upset when they found out, working with me whenever they could to try to get me to eat a substantial meal. Now that I was in Dauntless where Ezekiel could keep an eye on me, I knew that he planned on doing the same. And he was right. I needed to eat more, Dauntless was way more physically demanding then Amity and I was going to put myself in danger if I didn't properly maintain my physical being.

I had gotten about a third of the way done with my hamburger when I told Ezekiel I couldn't eat anymore and pushed the plate away from me. He praised me, telling me how good I did and how he was extremely proud of me for even eating as much as I did. The others chimed in, deciding not to comment or even ask about what was happening. Instead, they were less than hesitant and ready to praise me as well.

"I appreciate it you guys, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable and I'm sure you have already figured out what's going on by now.." I said, my voice trailing off as I glanced at the other four people sitting near me.

"Listen, I don't know what happened or who would ever say anything to you to make you feel like that was the solution but, it doesn't matter. You are a gorgeous girl who is going to thrive in Dauntless and maybe even meet the love of your life here. You have so much to offer Willow but, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first" Shauna said softly as she grabbed my hand from across the table and gave it a tight squeeze. Tori nodded her head in agreement and placed her hands over mine as well.

"We're all going to be here every step of the way. Whether you decide to explain yourself or not, we just want to see you living your best life" Uriah added, giving his brother a look as they simultaneously placed their hands on top of mine.

"You guys are incredibly sweet and I appreciate it, I do. I just don't know if I'm ever going to be able to openly discuss everything. I trust Ezekiel and if you guys ask him when no one else is around, I don't mind him telling you everything. We grew up in Amity together so, he knows my story pretty well" I stated, giving them all a meaningful smile before retracting my hands and folding them in my lap.

If this was the Dauntless experience, I had a feeling I was going to like it here.