Chaos [BWWM]

Chapter Twenty Three

⚠️This chapter might be triggering for a few readers. Please, proceed with caution!⚠️

As soon as the elevator doors slid open, she didn't bother to check what floor she was on, neither did she care at this point. She was more concerned to breathe, which she hadn't been for what seemed like hours. She rushed out like the devil was on her heels. Her throat was dry and she was trying to gulp, but she wasn't able to produce saliva to take down her throat. She felt hot, almost like there was this heat presence bearing down on her while she had been inside with him.

If it was someone else, any other person other than Toni they would be more concerned about her stumbling out of the elevator the way she did. But he didn't care and was still cussing her out for being the office slut. Imani could barely see where she was going, her vision was clouded by unshed tears and she was relying on muscle memory to take her to a place she could escape to. She could feel a few passing by people eyes on her, but she wasn't in the right frame of mind to acknowledge them or try to appear put together. She wanted to crumble and was barely trying to hold herself together.

Funny how she couldn't fully breakdown knowing she was still in full view of anybody who would come out of their offices at any moment. Plus the whole offices of this building had glass doors so they were quite transparent most of the time, unless they were in a private meeting, was only when they were allowed to frost their glasses — and this didn't happen very often.

Finally, she pushed open those doors she wanted to get to and now the tears poured down uncontrolled as she heaved in cleansing breathes. It wasn't enough but it was better than nothing at all. She now couldn't see, as the tears felt like rivulets going down her cheeks. Feeling so weightless, her legs could barely hold her and she buckled to the ground, her hands weakly on the door knob, with so much struggle, she barely pushed herself inside and mustered strength to close the door to the rest room.

She didn't care that it might not be empty, she was after herself. With her jelly like arms, she raised it up and began to hit her chest, it freaking hurt feeling. Everything was hurting. She hated it. Panic attacks like this have been happening from her since she was younger and this issue of her weight had grown pressing.

No psychotherapist she went to had been able to cure it fully, no treatment plan had worked then. It only disappeared and came back aggressively worse than the last. Luckily for her, it had begun to die down while she was in college so she thought it was gone forever.

Working here had brought it all back.

Trying to remember what she had been taught to try to alleviate it, everything had fled her head. Only Toni's words, playing on loop were in her head. Joined by others voices in her head, it continued to take shape as angry monsters screaming it to her.

Worthless.

Trash.

Go die!

If possible, the tears had increased and now she was a nerve wracking mess. Her breath had now seized and she struggled to breathe, no air wanted to come in.

None!

With eyes wide, she clutched her chest, trying to breathe. She had forgotten how. Wasn't it to such in air through your nostrils, was her nose broken. It wasn't working. She tried in her mouth, and now she was choking. She was going to die.

She didn't want to die like this. She didn't!

She didn't know what it was like to be in love, she hadn't realize anything she wanted to like travel the world to see new cultures, try different cuisines, go to those concerts she always wanted to. She hadn't even lived yet.