Eumoirous (ICS #1)

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Hurt

That was it. Probably the last straw that made me regain my lost consciousness.

If my mind was a bit foggy and hazy earlier because of my drunkenness, ngayon wala na ang antok sa sistema ko.

I wanted to get out of here so badly. Tears were in my eyes as I tried to navigate my way out of the party.

Naiwan ko si Thaurn sa dalampasigan. And even though I was hurting, for a split second I didn't want to leave the party. Iiwan ko na naman siya. I was going to leave him again.

But I can't stand seeing him always agitated whenever he's with me. I couldn't bear being with him while knowing what he was truly feeling about me.

I like him, alright. I really like him so much. Of course, when you like somebody, you just can't help but to hope that even in just a little, they'll like you back.

Back then, I was aware that I like Thaurn. But, I just ignored it. I never even thought that it would eventually lead into me confessing. I never did. Not to Thaurn, and not to myself. I took quite some time before I got myself to admit that I like him.

I like him even way back before I left. At dahil hindi ko namang naisip na malalim na pala ang nararamdaman ko, hindi na ako nag-assume na gusto rin ako ng taong gusto ko. It would probably hurt to know that he doesn't like me. And besides, we were already good friends. I couldn't ask for more.

Of course, I never intended to disturb whatever peace he had in this island when I was not around.

Heck, I didn't want him to hate me. I never wanted him to be angry at me.

I already had a feeling that I was unwelcomed. Na parang sa simula pa lang ay hindi niya tanggap na bumalik ako. But I set those doubts aside because I wanted to come clean with him. Not because I already like him so much and not because for the sake of the friendship we had years ago. But because it felt wrong for me to leave abruptly and cut my connections here in the island.

I thought I'd be contented by seeing and talking to him. Inakala ko na pagkatapos naming mag-usap at pagkatapos kong ipaliwanag sa kaniya ang dahilan ng pag-alis ko noon, ay magiging sapat na sa akin. Akala ko makukuntento sa ganoon.

And how selfish of me to think that I wasn't being a burden to Thaurn. Hindi ko man lang naisip na baka hindi naman talaga siya interesado sa paliwanag ko. Bakit ko nga ba kasi iniisip na magkakaroon siya ng pakialam sa sasabihin ko?

The man was hinting already, Rhelle! Madalas hindi kayo nagkakaabutan kapag may pakay ka. Madalas ay galit din siya kapag kausap ka. Rhelle, he treated you like a stranger when you came back! It was as if he already accepted that I was long gone and that I wouldn't be coming back after I left and cut connections with them.

God, I can't stop thinking in circles. I wanted to console myself by saying that it is fine for him to say what he said. That maybe he was hurting. But, right now... I was hurting, too.

I know I have been persistent. Alam kong wala na sa karakter ko ang mga ginagawa ko para lang makita si Thaurn. And my actions whenever I'm with him, probably reminded me about how I felt towards him. I still like him, but I'm also at my limits.

I could stand his angry glares and his serious voice. I could probably stand him ignoring me. I could probably even bare the silence he's been giving me.

But this... This time, I couldn't handle it anymore. It aches so bad.

Natawa na lang ako sa kabila ng sakit na nararamdaman. How foolish of me to think that he was angry about my departure. How foolish of me to be courageous because of that thought.