How Am I Supposed To Be Everything They Expect Me To Be?

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~ Scarlett's POV ~

I'd gotten tired, and told Tony I was going for a small walk. When I walked outside, I saw Mike inhaling air from a cigarette. Internally sighing, I walked up to him. "Hey Mikey." It was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard me. "Oh hey Scar. Are you better?" He asked, concern thick in his voice. I shrugged, I wished to be better, it's what Evan would've wanted.

"Mike? Do you have another cigarette?" He was completely taken by surprise by the way his eyes seemed to bulge out of his face. "I didn't know you smoked, but fine. Don't expect it regularly from me though. Okay?" I nodded and smiled taking the cigarette, taking out my own lighter from my jacket's pocket. Protecting the flame with my left hand, and igniting the cigarette with my right, I inhaled the smoke. We simply smoked in a comfortable silence, not bothering to say a word.

Yeah yeah judge me all you want but I knew that it was the only way I'd be relaxed without turning to drugs. Once I'd burned it all out, I released the last puff of smoke from my lungs and dropped the cigarette butt, stomping on it. I then proceeded to walk back inside, my body no longer as tense.

I earned a concerned look from Fer, but I knew she occasionally smoked and drank. "Shuddup Fer. You do it too." Playfulness nowhere to be found in me. Vic, all brotherly and what-not, hugged me, and took a whiff of my shirt. "Scar do you smoke?" He asked. Shit. He'd probably kill Mike. "Yeah, I would kill him." OH MY GOD I REALLY NEED TO STOP THINKING OUT LOUD. "You do." Tony said behind me, a smile noticeable in his voice. "FUCK MY STUPID MIND THAT WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in defeat. Hey, since I was going to think out loud, why not just say it anyways? They, Fer, Vic, and Tony, looked somewhat hurt and confused. "Fuck this. I'm going to my bunk. Please, no one bother me. I've done enough." I murmured through gritted teeth, staring at the floor. I turned on my heel, headed to the bunk I called my own. Screaming into the pillow and drawing the curtain, I cried a bit.

God Scarlett, when did you turn into a crying little bitch? Last time I checked you never cried. No matter how sad it was.

I screamed into the pillow again, feeling even worse. Then I remembered something I'd hid in my bag the day I went back for my clothes. Smiling, I opened the curtain and looked around to see if anyone would be able to see what I was about to pull out of my innocent bag.

"Hello there, whiskey." I whispered to the yellow bottle. After opening it, I fell back to the bunk, not bothering to get a cup or anything. Taking swigs straight from the bottle, and wincing every now and then at the burn in my throat. "Has anyone seen Scarlett?" Mike asked. "Yeah, she's in her bunk. She's not in the best mood though, probaBLY ON HER PERIOD." I heard Fer shout purposely for me to hear.

That was it.

I was drunk and pissed off; not a good combination when there's Scarlett Jay Johnson in the equation. Yeah that's right. Jay is my middle name.

Stumbling out of the bunk, I managed to get my ass over to the living room area, about to give Fer a piece of my mind. "Lisssten huur, Fur. I dun't fruken care dat yu don't liek for me tu smoke. I'm still gon' smoke!" I then saw that it wasn't just Fer, all of the guys were there too, staring at me, my precious, now empty bottle, back and forth. "Scarlett Jay Johnson!" Fer yelled at me. "Gush stahp bein so dammm loud. Yure gon' wake up alll of Texz. Geez, so much dramah over a frecking cigarette." I slurred. Fer simply glared at me, and took the bottle from me, throwing it into the trash. "Aarrgggh. Whatever. I WAS GONNA' THROW AWAY FELIX ANYWAYS" Yep, I'd named the bottle Felix. Then, I sat by Tony, who seemed really, really scared out of the sudden.

"Yu don't hate me too, wight?" I asked him, sitting on his lap. "I could never hate you, Scar. Now come on, you probably need some sleep." He said, and carried me bridal style off to my bunk. "We'll talk tomorrow Scarlett, when you can focus and remember." He was about to walk away, but I stopped him. "Toonnnee? Stay, please?" I said without hesitation. But it was his turn to hesitate. After a few silent seconds, he nodded, and climbed over to me to the side of my bunk with the wall. I turned on my side so I was cuddled up to his chest, a warm, safe feeling in my stomach.

"I love you Tony fucking Perry." He simply chuckled, probably amused at how drunk and absent minded I was. "I love you too, Scarlett fucking Johnson." Smiling to myself, I playfully booped his nose with my fingertip, making myself giggle, and he laughed, kissing my nose. With that, I fell asleep in his arms, and let me tell you, it was the most peaceful sleep I've had, in literally years.

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HEY GUYS SORRY IT'S A WEIRD, MUSHY, ANGRY AND DESCOVERING CHAPTER. IM RESTLESS, AND IT'S NEARLY 4 AM HERE.

DOES ANYONE EVEN READ THIS?

I LOVE YOU ALLZ.

OH YAH PLZ PLZ PLZ CHECK OUT MY SECOND FANFIC THAT IM WORKING ON

"THE FALLEN ANGELS; AN ASHLEY PURDY LOVE STORY"

I PROMISE TO NOT CHASE YOU

QOTD; FAVORITE SONG?

Listening ~ Miles Away by Memphis May Fire ft. Kellin Quinn
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