Rebel Rebel |harry styles| - ongoing

TWENTY-SEVEN

Frank Sinatra: My Way

Essie

Our two weeks of isolation were ending in a couple of days, and we still hadn't had the chat. Neither of us was actively avoiding it per se, I think we just didn't know how to approach it.

"Hey, we gotta talk.", okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to approach it, but I only realised after I saw the fear in his eyes.

"We do?"

"Yes. We've been acting like a bad couple recently and we need to fix it.", judging by Harry's reaction, he did a 180 and got the idea that I was talking about us not sleeping together for the last five days. A cheeky grin appeared on his face, sitting somewhere between a smirk and a seductive smile.

"No, not that, you idiot! Stop smirking! I am talking about us not communicating!", I couldn't keep a straight face while fake-scolding him, but I did my best.

"Oh. Okay. What is it that we aren't talking about?", he finally sat down beside me.

"You know, as well as I do, that I am scared shitless of us out there," I gestured toward the window, "In in the real world. We've been cooped up inside, whether it be Los Angeles or London, for the entire duration of our relationship.".

"Well, I had an inkling, but I didn't want to start that conversation in case you weren't ready yet."

"As sweet as that is, I need to be ready because the time is almost up. I talked to Becks yesterday and I told her about us.", there was a colour of pride in his eyes when I admitted to letting my friend know we were together.

"Anyway, the feelings I shared with her I should have shared with you.", his eyes darkened again, "No, they aren't bad feelings, trust me. It's just little or big things that sometimes keep me up at night.".

"You have feelings about us that keep you up at night?"

"Shit, I'm not explaining this well. Let me backtrack. When we got together, I was so happy. But we must be aware that it was a safe bubble for us – no outsiders, no press, no cameras, nothing... just you and me. And now we're in London, and we'll be allowed to go out soon. When we go to the store, or to a restaurant, do we hold hands? Am I going to be okay with kissing you in public? How are our friends and family going to take it? Those type of questions. It's not anything that would make me re-think this relationship, just logistics, I guess."

Harry appeared calmer once I'd explained what I meant to say, instead of the word vomit that came out of my mouth.

"You know that I have had relationships before, some that never made it to the outside world – out of fear or protectiveness, and others that only existed out there. What I have clear now is that truth is the best policy. If I get asked a question about my love life and I say that I'm single, and then they photograph me coming out of your house or having lunch with Ramona – we will never be at peace. If they ask me whether I'm in a relationship and I say that I am, that I'm happy and that I'd like to keep the rest private – then they have something. Sure, they will never stop trying to figure out who you are, but we don't have the, quote unquote, lie hanging over our heads. What do you think?", the way he held my hands, and the tone of his voice, transmitted such peace and positivity.

"I understand. Ultimately, I don't want anything that is going to make our lives difficult. When we go out, there will sometimes be press and photographers waiting to catch us in a kiss or in a fight... I get that. If we just keep doing what we are doing now – being kind to one another and communicating – without ever sharing sappy posts on social media, please... I think we'll be fine.", he laughed at that last bit, but I knew he agreed.