The Nation's Outcry

Epilogue

The Nation's Outcry
Zanashi

Fallen soldier all alone
Fallen soldier far from home.
Trickling down his face a tear,
Forgetting how it feels to fear
Death and all it's fate and glory.
Now it's here, no need to worry.

Fallen soldier all alone
Fallen soldier far from home
He's one of those they'll all forget;
The life he lived, the goals he set,
The ones he loved, the ones who wait
To see his nearly forgotten face.

Fallen Soldier all alone
Fallen soldier far from home
Now breathing's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
As he searches for a new address;
A brand new home free of loneliness.

Fallen soldier all alone
Fallen soldier far from home
Lying motionless on the ground,
The battle raging all around.
For now he is not all alone.
This fallen soldier is welcomed home.

- The Fallen Soldier
Poem by Branden Hidalgo

While walking towards the entrance of the military camp, I saw how united people are for the first time in a while. Tears in their eyes. Flags in their hands. Respect and pride on their face.

Seeing them like this, standing beside the road and waiting for the arrival of the fallen soldiers, is rather awakening than comforting for me. In this very hearwarming event, I can't seem to find anything that could comfort me. Because in this heartwarming event lies the truth that another part of my identity left. Once again, I lost my brothers.

The air inside the military camp feels heavier than before. Huling pasok ko sa lugar na ito ay ang araw pagkatapos ng pag-atake ng AFFO sa mga kasamahan namin. Natupok ang cafeteria. Ang bakas ng dugo nilang hinaluan ng abo ay kapansin-pansin pa rin sa lugar noong mga oras na iyon. It's a devastating day.

This place is usually our second home. We've spent much time in this place molding ourselves for our nation. Sama-sama mula simula hanggang huli. We've witnessed each other's weaknesses and strengths. We've recognized each other's commitment and determination. Perhaps the reason why we have strong bond, a bond that cannot be broken amidst a battle, cannot be forgotten even after a battle.

Coming back in this place after being gone for how many years is much disturbing than what I expected it to be. Nakakagago. Tahanan namin ito pero bakit pakiramdam ko'y pumasok ako sa panibagong lugar?

The lively noise made by my brothers is no longer here, instead it was replaced by the grievous cries of the family they left behind. The powerful march that used to echo in this place could no longer be heard, instead it was replaced by a sorrowful march of the soldiers who came home but this time, with bigger scars.

Umupo ako malapit sa isang babaeng umiiyak. Ang kanang kamay niya'y nakalapat sa kanyang bibig habang ang kaliwang kamay niya ay nakahawak sa kamay ng isang batang babae.

The little girl seems so confused. She's looking at everyone with partly opened mouth and furrowed brows. She looked at my direction and smiled a bit when she saw me looking at her.

The confused look in her eyes were taunting me. Years from now, she will be enlightened. Years from now, instead of confusion, sorrow and pride will be written all over her face at the same time. Her father died for our country and years from now, she'll know it.

I slightly bend my upper body towards her.

"When your father arrives, I want you to give him your salute, alright?"

She suddenly raised her right hand and placed his two fingers above her eyebrow.

"Like this po?"

I forced myself to smile. Tangina. Hirap na hirap akong gawin kahit pagngiti man lang.

"Yeah.."

She nodded enthusiastically.

"Gustong-gusto ni Dada kapag ginagawa ko ito lagi."

Of course, he'll love it. Para sa aming mga sundalo, higit pa sa halaga ng regalo ang bawat saludong natatanggap namin mula sa mga tao. Lalong-lalo na kapag mula ito sa pamilya namin. It really means everything to us.

Suddenly, I heard some noise from the people outside, that was then followed by the sound of engines, that was eventually followed by the cries of the people inside the camp. That was the moment when I realized that the fallen soldiers have finally returned to their home.

It was really heartbreaking to see. The way my fellow soldiers lift every coffin with the Philippine Flag draping over it. Sa puntong ito, nakaramdam ako nang pait. I should've been there, rendering my salute to my brothers on my uniform. I should've been there, accompanying my colleagues for the last time.

Regardless, I still raised my hand and gave them my firm salute, representing my respect for the distingushed service they did for the country. You've done well, my brothers. You all are warriors and heroes. You may be lying there, lifeless, but your deeds will forever live with us.

Nanatiling nakakuyom ang kamao ko kahit pa nang magsimula na ang seremonya. When my fellow soldiers perform the gun salute, another cries erupted from the area. Bawat pagputok ng baril sa kalawakan, panibagong iyak ang naririnig. Bawat pagputok ng baril sa kalawakan, pabigat nang pabigat ang damdamin ko.

Some people said soldiers have no empathy. Pumapatay ng mga tao, hindi umiiyak kahit na nasawi na ang ibang mga kasamahan, at hindi nasasaktan kahit pa nawawalay na sa pamilya. Really, they got it wrong. No empathy? That's bullshit.

I've been in so many battles, I've lost so many of my brothers, I've lost some members of my family.. and I've lost the only girl I wanted to spend my life with. The scenario goes on and on. Paulit-ulit. Pero hanggang ngayon, ang sakit ay katulad pa rin ng sakit noong unang beses akong mawalan ng kaibigan sa kalagitnaan ng giyera.

Hindi lang namin pinapakita ang kahinaan namin pero sa totoo lang, hindi na ata matutumbasan pa ang laki ng sugat na iniiwan sa amin ng bawat giyerang dinanas namin. It's a nightmare that we should face for the people.

Malakas at magiting man tingnan pero tulad ng ibang mga tao, dinadalaw din kami ng masasamang panaginip tuwing gabi. Binabangungot din kami ng mga alaalang kailanman ay hindi mabubura sa isip namin.

After the gun salute, the National Song of Remembrance is played, and right after that, flag folding was conducted that was immediately followed by flag presentation to honor the memory of the fallen soldiers' service to our country.

One by one, the soldiers came to our direction with folded flags in their hands. Tuwid akong tumayo habang ang tingin ay nanatili sa sundalong papalapit sa akin. Nanatili siyang nakatayo sa harap ko sa loob ng ilang segundo bago siya tuluyang magsalita.

"On behalf of the President of the Republic of the Philippines and as a representative of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, it is my high privilege to present you this flag. Please let it be a symbol of our grateful appreciation for the honorable and faithful service rendered by your loved ones to our country and our flag."

"You should be looking into my eyes while doing that, Macario."

Right after he returned my stares, we've felt another connection. The sadness was written all over our face and no other people can see it aside from us. Sino pa bang makakaintindi sa sakit na dinaranas namin maliban sa amin? Tumango ako sa kanya at sumaludo. Gano'n din siya sa akin.

Lucas Macario has been a very good friend to my cousin, Jason Yuhengco. Right at this moment, while presenting the symbol of Jason's service to our country, I know he's mourning inside. Just like me. Just like anyone else in this place. But unlike everyone else, we should remain firm. We shouldn't break down. Because we are soldiers and that is how it should be.

Hindi ako umuwi agad pagkatapos ng seremonya. Dumaan ako sa isa pang taong nararapat mabigyan ng saludo at respeto. Unlike the other fallen soldiers' funeral, this funeral seems so empty.