it's an emotional one also i haven't proof read it.
jaden's pov
i got a voicemail from lily yesterday. i've been to scared to hear it but i want to hear her again. our break was anything but mutual. we were toxic for each other i guess you could say. i want to talk to her. i want to listen to her speak. i sat on my bed leaning against the headboard. i was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. the hood of my hoodie was on my head.
my finger lingered on top of the button before i pressed played:
(the voicemail is in italics and you can listen to the video on the top for more reference and a better experience)
"hey"
she paused
"it's um, it's me"
her voice sounded tired
"i just wanted to say that i miss you"
she chuckled sadly
"i miss you too"
she sniffled
"i got to thinking yesterday and i ran across one of our pictures."
I'm surprised she hasn't deleted or thrown them out
" and i almost tried to call."
i wish you would have
"obviously i didn't"
she let out a small chuckle and i could tell she was hurting.
"so, now i'm just leaving this voicemail"
ugh
"I'm still full of questions and i'm not really quite sure if i'll have enough time to ask them"
she paused
"but um-"
"do you ever wonder about me?"
i do. every fucking day
"like- the way i wonder about you"
i thought she didn't even think about me
"i wonder if you're alright..
cause the last time we spoke.. you didn't seem alright"
i wasn't and i can't be 'good' without you
"but that's not my place anymore
so.."
when she said that it felt like it those words broke a piece of me
"i can't ask.."
yes you can
"do you even think about what happened and wonder where we would be if it didn't"
ALL THE TIME
"i do.."
a small smile made it's way over my face but dropped quickly
"but that probably makes me sound really crazy,"
it doesn't
"because i should probably just let you right?"
no.
"i should just drop everything i knew about you and pretend that we never even happened,"
please don't
"pretend i didn't approach you and try to build a bond,
that i know i messed up but i can't pretend it never happened"
then don't
"i saw so much going for you, you know?
so much positivity even though you never failed to push me back down"
I'm sorry.
"I'm not blaming you though"
you should.
"and of course like every other voicemail i practiced in my head
this isn't coming out the way that i wanted it to..
but i just wanna know,
did you actually care about me?"
of course i did
"or was it really just a game"
it wasn't
"like, you befriended me and then it actually became legit
and then things went wrong in our own lives
and then you got stuck with me
and then you just decided you didn't need me anymore"
i do need you
"and you needed a reason.
you needed a reason to hate me so that you could shut me out
then i wouldn't be trying to call you, right?
NO
"that's what it was right?"
never
i had tears streaming down my face
"because i literally meant nothing to you"
you were my everything
"and if that's not true
then show me how it's not true"
i would if i could
"because something like what we had
doesn't just crash and burn,
after somebody's mistake"
i know.
"you're supposed to grow
and you never let me grow"
her words shattering my heart piece by piece
"and you're afraid to let show, aren't you?"
yes.
"you're afraid for everyone to know that you were the bad one"
she said in a teasing tone of disgust
"it wasn't just me
but it's okay"
no it isn't
"because one day
they'll all know
we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"
i guess
"and after a month and a half
i found myself calling you a memory"
that hurt
"and i never wanted that"
yet you did
"cause i wanted us to last, you know?"
same
"i wanted our future"
so did i
"but you just didn't want that anymore"
yes i did
"but i guess i understand
and you can call me back if you want
the number should pop up in your missed call log"
i don't know if i should
"bye"
bye.
