The Fourth Notebook

68

Grace POV
January 22, 2015
The strain I put on myself yesterday is taking its toll on me. I'm beginning to lose feeling in my arms now. I try not to tell Cody. Cody sits across the room from me with James' journal clutched to him.
"Cody?" I whisper.
He doesn't answer.
"Cody, please. I'm loosing my voice."
"I know."
I know? I know?
"Cody, I don't know how much time we have left and," I broke out into another coughing fit.
Now I had lost my voice, too.
He walks over.
"Grace?"
I can't answer him. The hopelessness of my situation overcomes me and I start crying silent tears.
"Grace, I'm sorry! Please keep talking."
I can't.
He probably thinks it's all his fault, too.
By the time the evening comes, I am exhausted. I can't keep my eyes open. They droop and eventually I let them stay closed. A pounding in my brain starts. It feels like daggers in the back of my head. In my head I make a note to myself.
7-Talking

My thoughts trail now. I know my time is coming soon. Cody stays by my side. I fall asleep to the beeping sound of the heart monitor they have put on me.

1-22-15
Cody POV
Grace lies on her bed staring at the ceiling. Or at least I thinks she is. Her eyes look out of focus, it's almost as if she is looking through the ceiling. I stare at the floor in a trance. I feel so numb. James died yesterday, why don't I feel sad? I feel betrayed. I feel disappointed. What was he feeling when he was dying? Free. Peaceful. Happy, even?
I hear his voice.
"Cody. I wanted this," he says.
"I know," I tell him.
Then I hear Grace's voice.
"Cody, I don't know how much time we have left and-"
She coughs very hard and then stops talking.
I walk over to her.
"Grace?"
She looks at me with tearful eyes.
"Grace, I'm sorry! Please keep talking," I plead.
That was it. She lost her voice. Her beautiful voice would never bless my ears again.
This was all my fault.
Her eyes closed in the next few hours. I thought she was dead but the heart monitor kept beeping. I stayed up all night watching the heart monitor. One thought was stuck in my head.

This is all my fault.