Ishq | (complete)

38 | aansoo

❝Yeh Dil Hi Tha Jo Seh Gaya
Woh Baat Aisi Keh Gaya
Kehne Ko Phir Kya Reh Gaya
Ashkon Ka Dariya Beh Gaya❞

Laila pushed open a random door down the hallway. Her heart's rhythm stayed as erratic even when she left his room. How dare he expect her to be normal after leaving her without a glance? Closing her eyes, Laila took a long breath as she leaned against the closed door behind her. The distant pain buried under the heavy wrath began to resurface. The memories started to tumble like a row of dominos, one top of another.

Laila tried to hold on to the last bit of numbness, but in the quiet of the guest room, the chaos within her became louder with each passing second. She had reached the end of the rollercoaster as the clock struck two in the morning somewhere in the house. The had gone in a blur too fast for her to realize how grave the damage was. Just like the bullets that were too fast and too quiet but pierced straight in the heart and one could only see the damage when the heart was already destroyed and bleeding. Laila's head became heavier as she walked from one end to the other. Acts of the day dawned on her one after the other, sinking her already grieving heart.

"Breathe, Laila, Breathe. She leaned forward on the edge of the dresser as she struggled to breathe. The reminders of her wedding day became taxing on her body. The gold of the necklace suffocated her, the lehenga became a cage of throbbing pain. She ripped the necklace off, letting it fall to the floor as she stared at her reflection. The eyes far too red for a new bride, her own wedding day became a haunting memory in her eyes. She shut her eyes to hide away from the unbearable reflection of her agony.

Her body anxiously cried for a cold shower to wash off the day, but her feet halted at the frame of the bathroom entrance. She had nothing. Nothing. Nothing to change into, nothing to wash her face with. None of her personal stuff. Her lips wavered. She reached the end of her rope. She was empty-handed. As always. In that moment everything crashed on her as Laila dropped to her knees. Her mouth huffed for the air as it turned dry. Her sobs became heavier as she rubbed her eyes. Everything snowballed in her face at that moment, one thing after another rolling into one big storm that was crushing her.

Laila's final pieces crushed and fell apart as the inaudible sobs left her quivering lips. Only if Malka was here and Laila could hide in the length of her chaddar and have the security of Malka's arms around her, but Laila was alone. She ended up here alone, with nothing in her hands except betrayal and a broken heart. With each gentle cry, she pulled off all the bangles, with each bangle she shed a piece of her broken trust. No more. No one will hurt me after this. With a torn strength, she dragged the pins out from her hair. Her hair fell around her shoulders as she flopped back on the silver-gray carpet, staring at the ridiculously tall ceiling.

"You're going to be okay, Laila." She whispered, pressing her clammy palms against the softness of the carpet. Just a little moment of comfort that she prayed for. "You have always been." 

She was okay when she found out that there were such people called parents and her parents threw her away on a pile of trash as if she belonged there. Laila snapped her eyes shut, that thought made her want to throw up. She was okay when she first learned the word abandoned and she could finally name her feelings. She learned to be okay when she was bullied, and Martin made her life hell. She was okay when Mother Margaret left her too. Laila was Laila and she was going to be okay.

There was something vital in that moment Laila forgot. She had survived each and every time, but she was yet to deal with her unhealed wounds. Laila was okay, but she never healed. Laila was okay, but that okay was just a wave of the ocean. What she refused to acknowledge were all the raw wounds she hid at the bay.

The minutes swift past her as she leveled her breathing. She blinked at the porcelain white ceiling, tears dried into her red eyes. The calm after the destruction slithered on her. She could finally breathe. She moved to find her phone to call Inaaya. Breathing calmly, Laila cleared her throat and the fog in her mind as it rang.