Hermitcraft Stuff I Guess

Dirty Minds (oneshot)

Ship: Implied Kersuma, but denied
Tw: sexual jokes
Au: none

Around 970 words

I spent a really long time trying to rewrite this and, surprise! I still don't really like it. I definitely prefer the new version, but that doesn't mean I love it. I hope you do, though!

It was a Hermitcraft meeting day and everyone was sitting at the long table, chatting amongst themselves. Well, almost everyone. It was clear that the main admin and the server’s construction worker were missing. This would've been fine under normal circumstances, but neither of them let anyone know that they would be late like they usually did. Still, Hypno and Joe took over the meeting, starting to tell the Recap Team about the shenanigans that took place in the past week.

Ren and Iskall were in the back talking about the two missing boys. They had heard a rumour that they were with each other, but they weren't completely sure. What Ren was saying was caught by False, who then turned to tell xB. Thankfully, he could confirm where Keralis was, so he mentioned it back to the blonde. She had turned to tell the wolf man, but it was her time to share footage and notes. The Recap Team played her unedited video and she pointed out the important details.

After False presented, Grian went, then Hypno, then everyone else in alphabetical order. Most of the hermits had given info on what they did that week for the recap team. Only the two missing still needed to share their activities. Cleo had wrapped up her speech just before Keralis and Xisuma walked in, though they weren't in the best shape. The sweet faced man had dark circles under his eyes and his glasses were grimey, yet X was even worse. His hair was hanging out of his helmet, and he seemed to struggle with walking. The two made their way to the table.

"Howdy, Keralis! Howdy, Xisumavoid!" Joe looked at them and smiled. "Did you wanna take over?"

"Nah, you seem to have this under control." X's voice was raspy.

"Alright, sounds good." Xisuma sat down and winced. Joe definitely hesitated, but he let Zloy continue the meeting. Mumbo and Doc glanced at each other. Wels's eyes widened. Jevin giggled. Bdubs attempted to hide a smile. Even Stress got the joke. Soon every hermit's face was red from second-hand embarrassment and they were all stifling laughter. Pix signaled for Keralis to share his experiences in the past week so they could all move past the current situation. His video was played and he went over what he built in the city that week. He shared his thoughts about what should be included in the recap and got to the part where they asked about collabs.

"First, me and Shashwam were working on the road that connects our bases. Then, we stocked the stores and cleaned up some mycelium around the shopping district. We just hung out after that."

"Where did you hang out?" Tango asked. He was mainly trying to get info for the team, but his voice wavered and his lips threatened a smirk.

"At his base."

"What were you doing?" Zloy inquired, doubting that he would be able to use the story if it went in the way he thought it was going.

"He was giving me a tour."
"A tour of what?"

"His base, of course."

"What part of his base?" He was frustrated.

"His farms and stuff. What else?"

"Are you sure it wasn't his bedroom?" Scar called. Everyone turned their heads towards the mayor and cracked up. Keralis and Xisuma finally got what the hermits were implying. The admin laughed, but denied the accusations for him and his friend who couldn’t stop giggling in the background. The situation would typically be incredibly embarrassing, yet this sort of thing happened more often than one would think in servers. X pulled out a flash drive from his pocket and slid it over to Pix. He plugged it in and played the footage.

Late at night, Xisuma was sitting in a tree, building up a tower in his base. His eyes glazed over so he could put all of his attention on the task in front of him. He was so focused that he didn’t even realize that someone visited him.

“Shashwam?” X let out a yelp as he fell to the ground. “Holy moly! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry. You just scared me a little.” He didn’t look fine. He was all over the place. His hair was in a loose bun that sat on the top of his head and his eyes were lidded as he laid on the ground. Keralis walked over and grabbed his arm, hoisting him up. They both stumbled a little, but balance was quickly found and they shared sleepy smiles.

“Why are you up so late?”

“I could ask you the same .”

“Answer me first,” Keralis pouted.
“I was just building up this tower.” Xisuma glanced over at his friend as he stared at the scale. “Would you like to look around?” He got a nod in response and they took off to the sky.

Zloy sped up the footage. From what everyone could see, laughter was very common in their state of delirium. It felt like every other word came out as a giggle of some kind. It was also pretty loud. They shouted at each other to ask questions and give answers, which would definitely explain why their vocal cords were shot. Xisuma frequently tripped over nothing and even crashed into a few trees. Keralis did his fair share of smacking into things, too. At one point, he started crying over the look of the mega base, though it was mainly sleep deprivation talking. The duo was an absolute mess, but at least they had some good footage for their videos and the recap. In the end, everyone was very relieved that nothing had to be censored.

Haha this is not great. Stay safe!