Shades of You & I (An Interracial Romance)

Chapter 29

Three days.

Three days have passed.

Three days since I had a complete breakdown.

Three days since I've let anyone see me crying.

I stayed home from school Wednesday and Thursday. Mom told me she was going to give me time to recover because I was so broken. I miss him. I miss him so much. And I don't know what to do with myself. No one understands. I didn't explain why I broke down so much on Tuesday. I couldn't.

How could I?

How could I expect someone to understand the pain that keeps coming back no matter how much I push it away? Everyone's asking, begging me to help them understand. But I can't. I don't want to.

How do I let go? How do I make him believe that I don't care? That none of this is affecting me although it's affecting more than anything?

I was tired of feeling this way. I was tired of crying and feeling helpless. Things needed to change. It's been almost a week. Things had to go differently today. I had high hopes for today.

Today was Friday, the day before break. Today was my day to start over. To revive myself and try to be the strong girl I believed myself to be. I've learned my mistakes and now I was ready to overcome them.

So this morning I got up and texted Cheyenne that I would be attending school today. She and Cora have been so supportive and helpful. I honestly love and thank them so much. I would be no where without the both of them.

I decided to put some effort into my appearance. Usually when I think I look good, my mood is better. And clearly my lack of caring about my appearance and sweat pants attire didn't help my mood at all this week. I decided to wear a pair of olive green jeans, a long sleeved black crop top, and my black sneakers.

I made sure my curly hair was extra fluffy and curly and did my makeup very nice. I was already feeling better and smiled to myself. This was my first time actually smiling to myself and telling myself that everything was going to be okay.

I think my family noticed my changed behavior and how much happier I seemed to be. My mother pulled me aside and told me that maybe my break away from school did me some good and that she hopes I have a great day. She told me not to worry because after today I would be able to stay home for two weeks. And I guess that was something to look forward to.

"Hey, I've missed you!" Cheyenne smiles as I climb into her car.

"I've missed you, too." I smile back and reach over to give her a hug.

"You look good today...you have a little glow to you."

"Really?" I ask, feeling surprised.

"Yes really. Those two days off really helped." She smiled.

"Well thank you."

"You know you still never told me what happened Tuesday," She says, pulling off. "But if you don't want to talk about it that's fine."

"I just had a panic attack, I guess." I shrugged. "I found out some news and it all just took me by surprise. I don't know why I reacted like that."

"Well what did you find out?"

"Ashley told me that Hunter invited her over for support while he broke up with me and said that Hunter told her he was just seeing how it was to date a black girl."

"And you believe her?" She asks. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. She knew things that no one else knew," I explain. "Everyone knows we broke up but not why we broke up. Except her."