At Nightfall, An Akaza x Reader

6. Thank you Akaza

Today, I have ran the forest surrounding the compound and back once again. It's gotten much easier than before, but it's still tiring. I'm glad he didn't make me run the whole forest at the start. I'm unsure that I could have done it. I was winded after doing a quarter.

Akaza has been more distant since we got here, he leaves a few hours after sunset and doesn't return till sunrise. Since I am sent on runs every morning, and told to practice drills he showed me, I barely see him when the sun is up either.

I don't have permission to leave unless it's to run or buy necessities, so I do not get to see anyone either. I don't mind that to much, the paranoia of being recognized still looms over my head like the cleaver of a guillotine.

I am incredibly lonely. Days blur into nights. When I'm not writing or training,  I lie in bed and watch the hours go by. I think fondly of the days I lived  with my father and Hide Nii-san. There was never a quiet night. I remember Nii-san's string of friends that would visit. Sometimes they'd ask for my hand in marriage, much to his dismay, but they were never serious about it. Sometimes one of them would stay the night and share his futon. They'd chatter almost the whole time, speaking of dreams and girls they fancied until I told them to shut up. How I wish to hear their simple dreams whispered like psalms to their starry goddess.

You placed your pen back in it's case. It had been a month since your encounter with Akaza, and the death of your old life.  You left your journal open to dry the ink and stood from the short table. You took to your bed, and threw the covers over your head. You let your eyes study the wall until you saw nothing but the emptiness you felt.

Akaza had gradually begun drifting from you. Had he grown bored? Perhaps you were a bother to him. What would a demon want with a weak human anyway, you were simply a next meal- no not even. A snack, unfulfilling and practically worthless on its own.

You didn't realize it, but you had fallen into a dreamless sleep. You didn't hear when the male had walked in, nor did you stir when he picked up your journal.

He sat silently on the ground as he looked it over. 'Such a silly thing to pour your attention into,' he thought to himself as he carefully leafed through the pages. You truly had been keeping up with it everyday, it seemed. He skimmed your words, reading a passage here and there:

My whole body aches! Akaza Sama Made me scale a hill and back today after fifty pushups. He kept throwing projectiles at me to dodge. I was so tired that he had to carry me back. I'm glad he didn't make me walk back myself though.
-
"He has left once again. That's fine. Today I went into the market, I thought I saw someone I knew and panicked. I almost didn't pay for my groceries,  I was so worried."
-
"I'm worthless, aren't I? Had Hide survived,  he'd be doing so much more with his life. I am not surprised that I am alone. I'm horrible to be around, aren't I? Today I ran half the forest for the first time without being too tired to do anything else when I ran back. My breathing techniques are getting better too.

He read your more recent entry in it's entirety, then went back a day until he read the whole week. He placed the journal down where he found it when he was done, and stood up. He had been avoiding you, hadn't he? Ever since he told you to seek assistance from him, he's been staying away from you more and more. Cowardice.

It was incredibly weak and cowardly of him to leave you for hours on end without word. And it was weakening your fighting spirit.

-
"Akatsuki Y/N, "