Cardigan

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

TW: death
Longish chapter but important!!!! Kinda shitty, imo but plz comment and let me know what you think!
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Emerysn Osborne
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My trunk was already downstairs along with my owl, waiting for me before we left for Kings Cross in a few hours. Snape sent me an owl to let me know they still haven't picked head boy, so I didn't have leave a week early for school.

It was already an emotional day for me. I didn't want to leave the manor. I didn't want to be sleeping alone in the shitty Hogwarts beds. I didn't want to be apart from Draco.

But this year.. there was no big traditional breakfast. No hugs from Mum and Daddy. No goodbye kisses.

It hurts the most that I didn't know that was going to be the last time when it was. I was such a bitch to my parents last year on this day.. and I regret it. I regret it all.

Even when Daddy treated me like complete shit. When he used to abuse the fuck out of me. Binge drink and fight with me and Mum. Even when he used to lock me in my room for days without magic.

He was always there for the morning of the Hogwarts Express. He always showed up for breakfast at the Malfoy Manor. He was still.. my Dad.

I sighed, leaning against the balcony railing of the Manor that was attached to the library. Draco wouldn't look for me up here. I told him I was going on a run and left. I didn't want to lie.. but I knew this was something I had to do alone.

And it had to get done today. I had to do it before school starts again and the war. Before whatever the hell Voldemort has us doing next.

I thought about asking Narcissa to come with me, but she was mums friend and that probably wasn't good for her either.

My only option was Draco. It's not that I didn't want him to come, I just... I don't know. I pushed it back too long and now it's hours away from leaving and I knew he would reprimand me.

I pulled my wand out and tried to picture my house to apparate. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I gave up and wandered through the library back to Draco's room. He was sitting at his desk, fiddling with something when I walked in.

"Hey," I gave him an awkward friendly head nod as if that wasn't suspicious that something was up.

I didn't really know how to ask him if he would go with me.

He smiled, "Hey, how was your run? Did you bring you stuff downstairs already? I was about to go grab it for you."

He's been in a great mood this past week. I don't think he's totally over his depression, obviously. But we are working on it. He's opened up more and that's all I can ask for.

"Um, I ended up not going on a run. I brought my trunk down already," I softly smiled at him, hoping this would get my mind off it and we wouldn't have to go.

His trunk was sitting in front of him, "Thanks though, do you need help with yours?"

"I got it." He leaned in and kissed my forehead, "Thank you for offering though,"

Maybe I'm just not ready yet. It's okay. I don't have to be.

I was lost in thought when his voice started again, "You okay?"