Butterfly || Jin

08 - Spark of Soul

...

"Don't lose the spark that makes you, yourself"

...

Once they completed their promotion weeks of the new album, they got a day off. A day off in which is necessary yet unnecessary.

A day off for Jin to think.

On the day they were back after their one day of break, they didn't expect to be greeted with Jin looking at them with those eyes.

They knew something is wrong with Jin, something is greatly wrong with the situation. They didn't like this.

There are tears in Jin's eyes. Closing his eyes for a second, Jin blinks his eyes open again, trying to suppress his broken state so that his voice will not come out fragile.

"I can't continue this anymore not when this place constantly reminds me of how useless I'm throughout the years since I first step here until now."

"Not even once stopping from reminding me about that. Not once. I have accepted the fact that I'm the useless one here. I admit, all my flaws."

"I want to be free from this feeling. The feeling that always makes me forgetful of how amazing I am as my own person. I fought hard to be free from this, I don't want to be constantly reminded that I'm useless. I don't want to think I'm useless until the end."

"This place has given me so much pain, the most painful memories in my life. Numerous times falling down and standing up again on my own."

"It was hard. It was so hard, I wanted to give up every moment it happened. Don't even think of giving me any comforting words, not now, not forever."

"I know what it is. I know I will never be as colourful as you are, I know I will never be able to be what you wanted me to be, I will never be able to be what they wanted me to be."

"I want to live freely. I want to be free from any pain. Throughout the years, I've been nothing but in pain. They told me I'm improving but each time, no such thing as chances for me to shine happened"

"You told me I'm getting better, you told me everything that comfort me but in the end, what I feel was the same every time when we work on something"

"Maybe this sounds so ridiculous to you but not to me. The whole thing has damaged me enough. Don't worry about me, just do what you always wanted to do."

"Keep running forward, never stop and giving up like me. I've put a stop to Bangtan's Jin but I still want you to know that I treasure every moment I was with you."

"Don't look back for me, please keep running forward. I'll be alright on my own. Trust me."

Jin wipes his tears that fell from the corner of his eyes after saying the words. This Jin looks so much in pain.

The whole situation wreck Bangtan so damn much. Each words being said by their eldest were the evidence of how much it pains him. The evidence of how damaged he is with the words everyone poured to him throughout the years.

The moment Kim Seokjin walked away closing the door of the dorm, the door of their own self shuts as well. They are numb all over their body, they didn't know what to say or what to feel. They're so numb to the point of not knowing how to react to such situation.

Certainly they are hurt. They are hurting knowing that Kim Seokjin was hurting all those years. Both Kim Seokjin and Bangtan's Jin was hurt.

They saw him smiling, they saw him laughing but why was he still hurting? He even cheered on them for so long, he even hold their hands whenever they're slipping away so why he decided to give up?