Different Not A Freak (Jjk°Kth)

Past memories

Sorry for the LONG wait.

(Fuck I loved biology. Why am I studying Engineering when I wanted to major in English?)

My mother called out for me but I did not stop or turn around. With quick steps I ran inside my room and slammed the door behind me. I flinched from the sound and tightly cupped my ears with my hands in order to lull out the ringing in my head. It's pointless really. I feel stupid for always doing this. My hands can't block out the sensations that are messing up with my head. But then again, it's involuntary. A part of my brain know as medulla oblongata is responsible for these involuntary actions. My muscles don't listen to the logical part of my brain and just do as the medulla commands them. I sigh as I think about. It's my brain but I can't control.

Well, no normal human can control it but they are at least more sane than I. Even the voluntary part of my brain works differently.

Growing up whilst attending therapy sessions every week, the first thing my psychologist taught me was being confident in myself. To not let the actions of others overwhelm me and think any less of myself. Confidence comes with self love and acceptance and these factors are developed by the love we recieve from others. I wouldn't lie to myself and say that I wasn't loved by my parents. I would be crowned as the biggest liar in this world then. No, my parents always loved and appreciated me. Especially my mother. Just like parents aren't supposed to have a favourite child, even a child shouldn't have a favourite parent. But I secretly did. My mother was my favourite.

So it hurt the most when I was hurt by my favourite person. All this time I was living under the notion that she never believed I was incompetent. But today she made me realise that I was a burden for her, who needed a person to even tie his shoe laces for him.

I walked over to my bed and crouched down on the floor. Bringing my knees to my chest I sat in support with my bed as I started rocking back and forth.

All the things she said started clouding my mind as even the long buried memories made its appearance in my head.

"Hey Taehyungie, I heard there's a grand sale on baby diapers in the nearby departmental stores. You want me to drive you there? You might bag a good deal." It was Jihoon's voice that had interrupted my walk to the next class. We are classmates. But this wasn't the reason why I remember his name. No, the reason wasn't so simple and pleasant.

"I don't, I don't wear diapers Jihoon. They're for babies. Or some adults with incontinence. I don't have it. I I don't." I answered him as I proceeded to walk but he blocked my way by standing in front of me.

"Aren't you a baby too? You can't even talk properly. You can't tie your shoelaces, or tie. You're scared of literally everything. But well, you can also be an adult with that disease you mentioned. I mean, you're a sped anyway. God know what all disease you carry." I start fiddling with the elastic band in my hand as my mind registers all his remarks.

"Autism is not a disease!" I shouted at him, raising my voice a bit.

"Then what is it?" He asked me as he stepped closer to me. Cornering me into a wall.

"It's, it's.." A 'disorder', I wanted to say. But it sounded even worse than being labelled as a disease.

"Stop bullying me. Stop it. I'll complain to the principal." I threatened him. My threat didn't have even a slightest of effect on him. His lips only curved on one side as he placed one of his hands right next to my face. Successful caging me between his hands and wall.

"But wrong did I do Taehyungie? Did I beat you? Cuss you? Or even raised by voice at you? I was only doing a harmless joke with you." My hands that were tightly clutching the elastic band, started trembling. My eyes shifted towards the students that had crowded us by now.