Crowns and Pastries

Chapter Fifteen | We Won't Be A Secret Forever

{A/N} A short chapter but there will be some drama in the next few so...

~C~

I lied.

We talked for an hour and he explained everything. In the end, I told him I wasn't angry and that I understood. I mean, I do understand that he has no choice but I'm not happy that he didn't put up more of a fight.

"I can explain everything!" he said the moment I answered my phone.

I sighed. I'd stayed up late, hoping he'd reply to my messages. I may have overreacted but I think I deserve an explanation. "Just tell me the truth, Ethan. If us being together is too complicated for you then tell me now. Don't hurt me even more." It hurt to say that, to think he'd give up on us but if he did then he needed to tell me now.

"No! no, love, I'm not giving up on us." He replied, his voice frantic. "It was my father's idea to set me up with Kathlyn. I swear, I didn't know about it until this morning."

"And you didn't think to call me? I left you messages, I tried calling you four times!" I was fighting tears at this point and my voice wavered. "I had to find out through some stupid article! My best friend showed it to me. I didn't want to believe it but then you ignored my calls. Do you know how much it hurt? My best friend knew about it before I did and I'm your boyfriend!"

"I know babe, I wanted to call you as soon as I found out but I couldn't. I was constantly around someone and then I was going out to dinner with Kathlyn. I only just got back."

My eyes widened. "You- you went on a date with her?"

"It wasn't a date." He said quickly. "I mean, it was technically, but not to me! You know I'd never do any of this willingly."

"Do I, Ethan? Because right now it seems like I don't know you at all."

"You do know me, Corey. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this morning, I really am. But please believe me that I have no intentions of us breaking up, okay?"

A single tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away as he continued.

"I'm willing to show you that. What do you need me to do? Tell me and I'll do it. I don't want to lose you, Corey."

"I don't want to be the last person to hear these things, Ethan. We're supposed to tell each other about these things and I want to hear them from you. Not from someone else who doesn't even know you." I said. "That's all I'm asking here. For you to be honest and not wait a day before you tell me things."

It was the best I could come up with. I meant what I said. I wanted him to be honest and I needed him to tell me those things. They were important. It just didn't mean I was okay with it.

Because I'm not. I don't want him to go out with some stupid model when I'm sitting at home alone. I can't bear to see him with someone else when it should be me on those dates.

I knew what I got myself into when I said yes on the balcony of his apartment. I don't regret it. But I hate that we have to stay a secret.

"We won't be a secret forever."

His words from earlier rang through my head again, followed by my reply.

"How do you know that? You'll never be allowed to come out publicly."

He'd sighed through the phone. I could hear talking about this made him emotional but we needed to talk.

"I haven't even told my parents. We don't know that, Corey."

"Even if they allowed you to come out, they'd never allow us to date. I'm just an ordinary boy."

I said that with tears in my eyes. I didn't like where this was going.

"Corey." His voice softened.

"What's to say they won't set you up with a marriage?" I said my voice breaking. "This is just the start of them controlling your life."

"Stop it!" he said. "You're overreacting. We don't know how my parents will react, we don't know any of this so there's no point in making up these scenarios." he sighed and his voice softened. "I am going to come out to my parents soon. I don't know when but I cannot keep this in any longer. I will not lose you just because I'm too scared."

That made me pause. "Ethan, I don't want you to come out because of me. When you come out it should be for you, and nobody else." I tried. I knew coming out was a big deal for him and it wasn't easy. It meant a lot to me that he would do it for me but I didn't want that.

"I'm doing it for me, Corey. I want us to be together and I've been keeping this in for too long now. I didn't have a reason to come out before you. But in the end, I'm still doing it for me. I'm tired of keeping this secret. I'm tired of hiding who I really am."

I sighed and dropped my hand in my lap. "I'll support you, no matter what. But please, don't keep something like this arrangement from me again."

"I won't, I should have told you sooner."

I couldn't help myself. I went over our conversation in my head over and over again. Knowing he would come out to his parents for us meant a lot to me, it really did, but I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him to come out. I wouldn't do that. I knew how hard it was.

Times like these I wished I could get out of my own head. To just stop thinking, even for one minute. It's what I always did, I overthought conversations, events, possible events all the time. It never helped but I couldn't stop and I hated that. For once, I'd like to just be. To just enjoy things without overthinking them.

There was only one thing I could think of now. I grabbed my bag from my closet and started packing. I was going back to London. I needed to see Ethan in person, we needed to talk more about all of it in person.

Valerie would be back at our place in three days and I wanted to have had the conversation before she was back. We'd need the privacy and I knew Ethan wouldn't like her presence if we were talking about something this sensitive.

Vote & comment!