"It's gonna be okay" Michelle held me tightly as I cried on her shoulder.
"They told me to never come back Michelle." I sobbed.
"They're just mad. They'll get over it. They didn't mean it" She rubbed her hand up and down my back.
"And I can't even be mad at King because he was just embarrassed. I'm a fucking embarrassment. My brother hates me, Quincy hates me, my parents hate me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?"
I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around everything that has happened over the span of two fucking days. I've been on OnlyFans for a year now but somehow within two days everybody in my life has found out about my little secret.
"It's all my fault. What's the fucking point anymore?"
"Unh unh don't talk like that" Michelle says to me, "You gotta understand where your parents are coming from. What parent in their right mind would be immediately be okay with their kid doing OnlyFans. You just gotta give them a chance to come around. And Quincy, girl fuck him. It's too many niggas in this world to be upset about one. If he don't want you oh fucking well, there's plenty of niggas that do"
"I'm going to sleep" I said standing up from the couch. I wasn't even sleepy but I knew if I stayed awake I'd just find a way to make myself even more sad. I walked into my bedroom and went over to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed my melatonin pills. I swallowed down three pills and went back into the bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes and just laid down in the bed.
I laid there in the dark, staring up at ceiling, just waiting on the melatonin to kick in. Once it did, I was out like a light.
I woke up in the middle night thirsty as fuck. I tried to get up to get water but my body wouldn't move. Oh shit, here we go. I tried to keep my breathing steady because I already knew what was happening but somehow I still managed to panic.
It felt like there was a weight on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move or speak I was just stuck. It felt like I was suffocating which made me start panicking even more. I hadn't had one of these in months and it's still just as terrifying as it was months ago.
I began to wiggle my toes trying to gain mobility in my body again. I began to squirm trying to fight my way out of it.
I screamed once I finally got out. I sat up and began to pant loudly, trying to catch my breath.
"You good?" Michelle questioned bursting into my room turning on the light. I could tell I had woken her up out of her sleep.
"Yeah, I'm okay" I replied still breathing heavily. "You can go back to bed"
"Yeah I'm laying with you tonight. You're worrying me" She says stepping inside closing the door behind her.
"It was just the sleep paralysis. I'm fine" I replied.
"Yeah okay. Whatever you say" She turned off the light and climbed into the bed next to me. We turned our backs to each other and went back to sleep.
***
"Thanks" I said to Tyler as he handed me the Apple bag from behind the desk.
"Why couldn't you go yourself?"
"My car is in the shop. I appreciate it though. What's your cash app?" I asked "I'll give you gas money"
I couldn't go the whole day without a phone and Michelle had to work so she couldn't take me to buy a new one. So I ordered one online and asked Tyler to pick it up for me before his shift.
